“How to Be Cool and Asian” According to White People

School has taught me not to trust most things I read on the internet. Experience has taught me not to trust most things I read anywhere. I’d say 99% of the incorrect information I read online just humors me since I know that info was probably written by an ill-informed person or an anonymous troll.

However, there’s still that 1% of internet content I peruse that still kind of  bothers me. Take this random WikiHow page I came across titled “How to Be Cool and Asian”–almost as if  being “cool” and “Asian” were mutually exclusive.

My initial response? What the eff is this bull. Let me list the steps to being cool and Asian according to the article, in case you folks didn’t know.

1. Cool Asians interact with a lot of people and they are good at many things, not just computers or math.
2. Look the part.
   
3. DO NOT go overboard with the eyeliner.
   
4. Earrings, bracelets, and necklaces would be great accessories.
   
5. Confidence is key: if you are not self-conscious about your Asian heritage, then people will hardly notice it.
   
6. Don’t be shy: speak up! Get involved!
   
7. Get involved, try sports or Student Council or something else that you can get involved in.
   
8. Be nice. If you are a jerk, people may think that you’re just a jock or whatever.
   

Let’s not forget the tips and warnings (otherwise, you’ll end up really uncool):

• Having different types of friends will help you discover what kind of person you are.
• If you do not think that you are cool, no one else will.
• Always curl your eyelashes with an eyelash curler before you apply mascara. It will make your eyes pop.
• There is really no such thing as being ‘too Asian’ or ‘not Asian enough’, so don’t worry
• Do not let being cool get to you.
• Do not be ashamed of your culture. Remember to have Asian Pride, be proud of who you are!
• Do not line your eyes all the way around if you have small eyes. It is just going to make your eyes look smaller.

Okay, a lot of these steps, tips, and warnings are applicable to all human beings (I might sign up for WikiHow to change this article to How to Be Cool and Human). However, seeing that mostly (if not all) white people contributed this how-to, I don’t particularly appreciate being told how to be Asian nor cool by non-Asians and non-Cool people (since cool people don’t contribute ignorant articles to WikiHow–new rule I just made up).

So why am I so sensitive to a webpage that is truly of no significance and probably meant no harm? This page is clearly absurd, but I can’t help but be a little baffled. First of all, why are White people telling me how to be cool? Being Asian doesn’t contribute to be uncool.

Secondly, why are White people telling my how to put eyeliner on my Asian eyes and what subjects I shouldn’t study despite my Asian practicality and preference? Big eyes don’t equate to being cool, so I’ll line them however I want. And please don’t stereotype; my Calculus skills aren’t that great.

Although many of the tips brought up in the WikiHow are generalized and are applicable to everyone, the fact that this article exists shows a profound amount of ignorance. White people are telling me how to be cool despite being Asian, as if I have the “uncool because I’m Asian” disease.

How do we expect cultural harmony when we internalize disrespect and perpetuate stereotypes of each other? Instead of writing about “How to Be Asian and Cool,” I think we’d be better off focusing on “How to Understand and Respect One Another.”