I’m one of those “outsiders.” I’m nothing like what you would expect a Vietnamese girl to be. I never thought it was a problem and always felt comfortable with my “Vietnamese-ness.” I never realized I was so different until I was surrounded by my Vietnamese peers.
I recently worked for a Vietnamese business. I was surrounded by more Vietnamese than I ever had been before—even more than if I were at a family reunion.
I was looked at differently. At first, my coworkers just gave me confused looks with wondering eyes. I know they thought to themselves, “There’s something different about that one—but I just can’t pinpoint it yet.” Their investigation had begun.
I don’t mind “getting to know you” questions, such as, “Where do you go to school?” or “Where do you live?” Even “What do your parents do for a living?” is an acceptable question if asked in the right context. But I was asked questions like, “Do you ever eat rice for dinner?” “What language do your parents speak?” and “Do you hang out with Vietnamese people?”
What kind of questions are those? Do they ask just anyone those questions? If I was more Vietnamese like they are, or if I was completely white, there wouldn’t have been such a problem. In their minds, there was no such thing as an in-between.
It was decided. I had fallen short of Vietnamese expectations. I was a sell-out. Look me up on Facebook and analyze my pictures, groups that I’m part of, or activities I participate in. My significant other is white, I am an athlete, and in college–out of all the acceptable majors–I was an English major! I’ve been questioned about that on way too many occasions; my intentions with my degree were deplored.
That’s what my coworkers did to me. They had decided to give me the benefit of the doubt and asked if I was planning on teaching English in Vietnam. No, I wasn’t. I’m not even planning on teaching English in the United States! I’m a content editor. Was that a career for a young Vietnamese girl? Of course not. And to make it even worse for myself—I work for a combat sport company. I’m a hundred pound Vietnamese girl working in the world of mixed martial arts where overgrown men grapple and fight in octagon cages.
That was the last straw. After they learned who I worked for and what I did through their constant snooping, I was out. My part-time job had become a living hell for me. Everyone grouped together and gave me looks and snarls when I passed by in the halls. I was never invited to their hang outs. I didn’t stay around after work. When one shift finished, I left and waited elsewhere until my second shift started. I’ve had conversations taken place in front of my face in Vietnamese. I understand Vietnamese. They didn’t know that, they never asked—they just assumed I didn’t, and it was okay to talk about why someone like me would want to work in an area like this, a predominantly Vietnamese area.
Why not report this to my boss? She’s Vietnamese as well, and joined right in. She wanted to bond with her employees and what better way to do it than through office gossip. After I told her that I understood Vietnamese, she was slightly embarrassed, but justified it because she was the boss and that was that.
Upset, I went to speak to my father about this. Hoping for words of encouragement and even a way to help me connect to my Vietnamese peers, I turned to him. He told me, of course you are different. I am an American. I have Vietnamese ancestors and my blood is 100% Vietnamese,but I am an American. I should not take notice of such ignorant judgments. I will have so many more opportunities because I understand that we can’t just be with people who are like us. If we stay in that one little group, we’ll get nowhere beyond that.
Make a little effort. You may find you have more in common than you think, and a new friend is always welcomed. I may not be as “Vietnamese” as some may think—but that’s by their standards. By my own, I am Vietnamese.
I’d add to your Dad response: “of course you are different and I’m proud of you”. I’m an “older generation” Vietnamese-American Dad with a college degree in US, engineer of course, with four daughters, two were born in VN and two in the US. And they’re all different. I don’t know if they are more Vietnamese or more American. One of them was in the US Navy for six years and now a school teacher, one is a nurse with a MBA and now traveling all over to teach some kind of medical procedures to hospital staff, one was under-graduated pre-med with honor and decided not to go medical school and now working as a professional photographer, and the last one also a college grad working in an investment company. I, just like you, share the same experiences with other older generation Vietnamese for being “different”.
And what wrong with being “different”? It’d be boring, isn’t it?
At 62 I love to read your site and many others younger Vietnamese include the ones from Vietnam. I proud of those who sees outside the box “paradigm”. Love to have you correct my English. Thanks for giving some good reading.
“Why not report this to my boss? She’s Vietnamese as well, and joined right in. She wanted to bond with her employees and what better way to do it than through office gossip. After I told her that I understood Vietnamese, she was slightly embarrassed, but justified it because she was….”
She’s actually not that type of person, she can care less about what’s going on between co-workers and what’s said. It’s about her the school, that’s her business and her primary focus. I’m sure she’s not favoring or siding with the latest in’s and out’s of her employees’ lives, just as a proprietor of a gym or MMA studio can care less about what their coaches do on their off time. As long as your on your A game when you clock in and fulfilling your job duties I guess no one can complain right?
I kind of feel like you singled out others as if we isolated you as Vietnamese or thought one thing or the other. I honestly remember feeling as if you bonded with the other teachers. I distinctly remember you playing madgab with your fellow coworkers. I don’t think anyone feels as if they are trying to single out the Caucasian teachers who teach math, or that even a Vietnamese teachers who teach SAT English as well….