Yesterday, OneVietnam Network asked our fans about their opinions regarding Vietnamese women. We received a lot of positive answers as well as a few negative ones. However, some fans have pointed it out that such a question was rather silly. At this moment, I am still curious about the reasons behind that statement and would love to view things from the male perspective about Vietnamese women. Until I get a chance to know the real issues, I will continue to ask another “silly” question: What about Vietnamese men – what are your impressions?
This article will generalize my point of view about Vietnamese men, and you can have your own opinions as you like. Just leave a comment. There are no haters here!
It is very questionable that the Vietnamese literature only highly regards Vietnamese women, but not men. Whenever a piece of work mentions some noble Vietnamese man (e.g: a king, a hero, or a legendary character), the author only sugarcoats the characteristics and personalities of that particular individual. I have yet to see or read any writing that praises Vietnamese males in general. Are we really that bad? Well, let’s dissect this topic together.
Yes, on top of my list is laziness. Whenever I ask a Vietnamese female about what they think of Vietnamese men or their own men, the most likely answer I would get is “Lazy bums! They never do anything!” Wow! Indeed!
However, I believe this is only true for most men in Vietnam who live in the cities. The majority of them basically do nothing. Their wives take care of almost everything in the house, from cooking, to cleaning, to taking care of children — even after long hours at work. These men usually spend their lives drinking beer with their buddies and talking loudly about random topics all day long. Of course, there are exceptions; there are men who actually work hard and are goal-oriented.
There are two things to blame for the problem of men being lazy bums: (1) Traditional Vietnamese culture has imprinted in their brains the idea that “Husband is the King, Wife is the Slave”. This idea was formed when men used to be the main providers of the family, giving him all the powers in the house. However, as society modernized, it is much more difficult for men to be the only providers in the family. This has forced women into the workforce, but men are having problems adjusting their living style to share chores in the home. Basically, women have moved forward along with modern society while their men are lagging behind. (2) The second reason could be explained by the following characteristic.
Big, Big, Big Ego!
Having an ego and feelings of self-importance are actually a must for everybody. It keeps us striving for a better life and a higher status. However, it could also be viewed as an Achilles’ heel. A man with too big of an ego can never get over himself. Vietnamese men usually regard themselves very highly and always think that they are superior to others. They cannot easily accept the fact that their women are better than them. They would rather spend their days outside of the house drinking beer than washing a basket of underwear for their wife and kids. They want their friends to think that even though they are not the main providers of the household, they can still have the power; that power is being proven by the fact that they is out drinking with their buddies, and somebody else is doing the dirty work. Their friends are probably on the same boat. For that reason, they will all compete to see who can sit at the beer shop the longest to prove who is the most powerful man.
Gallant (Overdoing)
How many times do you go out with a Vietnamese man and he offers to pay for you? How many times do you go out with that same Vietnamese man and he offers to pay for you again? I don’t know how lucky you are, but I rarely had to pay for anything when I visited Vietnam. Yes, I’m a guy, not a beautiful girl as you would imagine. Most Vietnamese men won’t let you pay if you were to go out with them regardless of your gender, even if you have to throw a fist at them to pay for your own share. A lot of people think that this is a very nice trait of a gentleman, but to me they are overdoing it. Sometimes, they offer to cover your back when they don’t even have enough money for themselves! Maybe we could link this trait to the big ego that I mentioned above and get a clearer picture of why Vietnamese men act like that. Some people may say that Vietnamese men are more generous than other men. That really depends on you.
Extraordinarily Smart
I think I have covered enough bad things about Vietnamese men in general. Let’s go to some good stuff. I have to admit that it is quite difficult to find a dumb Vietnamese man. They are either very street-smart, academically intelligent, or sometimes both (the scary ones). We have recently read about the infamous mathematician Ngo Bao Chau, who successfully proved the impossible Langlands’ Fundamental Lemma. The world history has written about King Tran Hung Dao, who repeatedly defeated the unbeatable Mongol army under Kublai Khan by using clever military strategies. The title of “the father of personal computer” belongs to Andre Truong Trong Thi, a Vietnamese engineer who invented the Micral microcomputer based on an Intel 8008 processor in 1973. As you can see, our people are gifted with intelligent and powerful minds. If Vietnamese men could get rid of their laziness, I believe that there will be even more famous people to name.
Dutiful
Whether it is a duty to protect his country from invasion or to take care of his aging parents, Vietnamese men will never shy away from their duties. For more than 2,000 years, Vietnam has always gained back its land from the invaders regardless how powerful its enemies are. Very different from European men, Vietnamese men will most likely live with their parents to take care of them as they age. These familial values are explained by the Confucian ideas that have heavily influenced living standards in Vietnam.
Romantic
This trait can be well seen in almost many Vietnamese work of literature, from poetry to music to novels. Please keep in mind that most songwriters and composers in Vietnamese are males. It is very difficult to find any Vietnamese song or poems that have upbeat and happy music, like R&B music. The purpose of most songs or novels is to make the listeners cry as much as they can. I’ll let you decide whether this is a good trait of the Vietnamese men.
Your thoughts…
The article is getting rather long, but I still have so many things to write about. However, I would very love to hear what you have to say about Vietnamese men. Let’s start a discussion!
I found this article very entertaining as well as enlightening. The end asks for one’s impression of a Vietnamese men.. IN GENERAL.. personally, I don’t know how I could group them all into one category… despite stereotypes and the extreme that negates the stereotypes.. I have met Vietnamese men who have been… to Harvard and Vietnamese men who work at home depot at the age of 30. I have met Vietnamese men who drink and gamble, and Vietnamese men who appreciate a nice conversation with coeds of the party. I have met men who think I need to be in the kitchen, and men who open doors and pull out chairs for me. Let’s not group them as one and understand the men you find in coffee shops are very different from the men you find donating their time teaching kids math and science… “Vietnamese men” are like “Vietnamese women,” “Vietnamese people,” “white men,” “white people,”– you can’t generalize them, raising the unworthy and insulting the exceptional.
Well put Kimberly Truong!
Although this was a good try at conjuring up some stereotypes of typical Vietnamese males, I do not think the author provided substantive arguments as to why these claims are unique only to Vietnamese men. For instance, having the ability to down the most alcohol is also a skill hotly debated amongst college students every Friday night here in the US. For the majority of these characterizations, I feel like they are applicable to men of all cultures.
It should also be noted that Vietnam was most likely a matriarchal society at the beginning of its history, as evident by early heroes like the Trung sisters and Ba Trieu. It wasn’t until the introduction of Confucian values and, ultimately, complete Sinicization brought on by Chinese invaders that the Vietnamese became a patriarchal people. Thus, I would say that the deference to women, and the (somewhat) misandry as highlighted by the author at the beginning of the article, in the current Vietnamese culture is partly because of these emotional vestiges left by Vietnamese societies long ago.
Although this was a good try at conjuring up some stereotypes of typical Vietnamese males, I do not think the author provided substantive arguments as to why these claims are unique only to Vietnamese men. For instance, having the ability to down the most alcohol is also a skill hotly debated amongst college students every Friday night here in the US. For the majority of these characterizations, I feel like they are applicable to men of all cultures.
Having spent over 2 years in Vietnam, I did not know of more than a handful of Vietnamese men, not just college students or sailors, but of all ages, that did not spend every night out drinking with their mates. I was not in HCMC or Hanoi for long, so I cant speak to those cities. I rarely ever saw families doing any sort of activity together, be it the beach, hot springs, shopping, eating out, etc. Seemed to me that groups of men of all ages were out drinking beer until the restaurants closed. From the perspective of the families that these men are the supposed heads of, I cant see how they are bringing happiness to them.
You are right on about the historical Vietnam, too bad that confucianism replaced the traditional matriarchal culture. It’s also a shame that the Cham culture has all but disappeared as well.
I think there is a huge issue with the question itself. Vietnamese Men, in general, good or bad?
First, the question suggests that one can even categorize an entire group of individuals under one nondescript word, “good” or “bad.” What does it mean to be good or bad? Secondly, what perspective are we looking from? A woman, a man, an Americanized individual, European, etc? Lastly, are we talking about men born and raised in Vietnam or men who’s origins at some point in time was in Vietnam? Or are we talking about men who have been raised in a Vietnamese family? All these questions point out the flaw in this generalized question.
It is my belief that we as individuals are shaped by the environment that we have been raised. Countries, cities, even families are all composed with very different dynamics. This does not account for the media and social environment that a child is faced with growing up. All of these add to create very specific individuals that have different opinions about family, relationships, marriage, friends, morals, ethics, etc. Yes, I can group people together and get an “answer” to that good or bad question but you cannot extend an answer from one to hundreds to thousands to millions. The generalization made by the author may all be true in one individual, some individuals, and none. They also maybe true of any person. I am an Americanized-Vietnamese woman who has a big ego, gallant, highly intelligent, and feel a sense of duty to my parents. I can attribute each of these characteristics to a myriad of reasons from my family to genetics to birth order to childish rivalries to that one teacher that pushed me to be better.
I do not deny the importance of our family in shaping us but it is more important to look at the history of the country to see where certain values and family dynamics may been initiated, why they have continued, and how do we see them manifest in our culture today. But to judge whether these characteristics are “good” or “bad” is completely simplifying our history, culture, and people.
I think there is a huge issue with vietnamese men good or bad in general. All i can said is you can’t judge the book by its cover unstill you spend time to read the book. We are human so no one can’t judge other when you judge someone look in your-self and your family before you judge other.
Charles Ngo: Are you Dr. Ngo?
In support of the author, I agree with most of the stereotypical comments he provided. We can all be very nice and say let’s not generalize, or judge a person by a cover. But the truth is, everyone generalizes otherwise there wouldn’t be a discussion about any topic.
Another thing about Vietnamese men, through the research that I’ve done. That I mean by talking to many of the Vietnamese women in my social group, is that not many of them are faithful. They would agree that only 10% Vietnamese men in Vietnam are nice and decent. And the rest, have wandering eyes. It’s true…I’ve spoken to friends, shop assistants and my clients. All have agreed with me and I know plenty of guys who have girlfriends or wives and still hit on other women, while out.
The Vietnamese women know this and that’s why most women in Vietnam are so clingy. I don’t blame them.
Hey I guess the discussion above is very stereotypical of Men in general. I am from India and I can relate to most of the stuff written about Vietnamese men. I guess the above characteristics apply to 90% of the Men in the world
The good or bad question is hard to answer, but the question for me is, would foreign women date Vietnamese men? When I walk around the streets of Saigon, I often see Anglo-Saxon men walking with Vietnamese women, but I almost never see an Anglo-Saxon woman walking with a foreign woman. I think that example alone says something about Vietnamese men…they’re conservativism, attitude/respect toward women, etc.
Exactly do not take it that serious. I love the article! @caligran shall I pass by once you are in the saigon streets for you to see Anglo-Saxon woman walking with a Vietnamese man 😀
@Tinh Ding: you are right, I think Vietnam is still a matriarchal society. Women are acting behind the scenes! And during the vietnam war who raised the children, feeding them, try to make the familiy’s life?
Nothing is wrong with the writting. Once someone wrote something, it’s their opinions and you should respect it. It’s just only for entertaining. I saw some of you guys take it so serious and it’s really shouldnt be that big of a deal.
I agree with T Ng. The author said it straight up at the beginning of the article that it is his personal “point of view” about whether each of the traits he sees in Vietnamese men in GENERAL is “good” or “bad”, which really depends on him. To him and some others drinking beer all day long is “bad”, but to guys who love drinking is “good”. He also being very careful with his writings and re-state everything is just a generalization of what his view about Vietnamese men. Somebody here asked what is “Vietnamese man”, and I think that is a dumb question while someone else thinks that it is a good question. I think it is a dumb question because it really depends on the person who thinks he or she is a Vietnamese (with both parents are vietnamese OR having Vietnam citizenship OR just simply live in the Vietnamese culture for 1 year). The definition belongs to the person who wants to identify themselves.
Somebody whines about “generalization”. Everybody generalizes! When you don’t know about a specific person, all you have is: general ideas. It’s like saying “black people are not good at Math”, when some great mathematicians are actually black. Or “Vietnamese men are short”, when some are actually well above 6 feet tall. So I agree with the author’s usage of word “most” here in his article.
Great article! Very entertaining. I’m a Vietnamese man (based on what I value) and I enjoy reading this article.
Vinh tran is an extraordinary person. Bright, strong and highly charming, though quite sensitive
I have noticed that a lot of Vietnamese guys that live around me are big players…
One of them even started dating my friend’s mom after having a one night stand with her.
But most Vietnamese men are very attractive and always sweet.
Having “Asian talks” With my friends who don’t realize I am half white, a lot of Vietnamese say “All white girls are for is a good time.”
Now, that is something that ticks you off.
But on the other hand, the love of my life is American-Vietnamese and thankfully I haven’t seen him doing anything like those things I have mentioned. He is a great guy, and it makes em optimistic that stereotypes don’t really matter.
I agree with the writer the facts that most Vietnamese men are the big thinkers. Some of them are also strong minds that can manage their dreams into real. That why if you Google the Vietnamese last names you will find all kinds of successful Vietnamese men in all different professions in the USA. The rests are not capable or unfortunate (and some lazy) turn themselves into big talkers and even big drinkers. However, generally, they will do anything to make money like working 2-3 jobs, hard labor or even doing nails.
For the Vietnamese men in VN, we have to look into the agriculture/fish exports, labor exports, constructions, heavy productions and most of all the numbers of degree holders. However, the present and future of men in VN is due to the government’s direction or limitation of the opportunities.
I have to say that the Vietnamese men think education is very important and know how to live. They study/work hard and play hard. Typically, you can find a Vietnamese father will do anything to put his children through college. So please don’t judge them in one angle perspective of age group, location or when they play.
They are also peaceful, generous, friendly and easy going but very protective and defensive which proved in the history.
What makes a man good or bad is his characters and actions, not his origin.
I agree with Tod… but character/action are effected by education, environment, condition, tradition, culture, parent/family, relationships, society & more or you can call it background.
I just wanted to comment because I am caucasian American woman and I have been dating a Vietnamese man for over two years now and he is still a mystery. However, reading the article has opened my eyes completely and I realize that it’s not him, it’s his culture that is completely different. It’s comforting to read this article. There are still a few questions I have. Like why do we have to be so secretive and why hasn’t he even thought about introducing me to his friends or family yet. I think our relationship is pretty serious but he says longevity will tell the seriousness of our relationship. Thanks.
Ja, I’m from Germany….
Nothing to say ….only a few words
vietnamese guys are extra- intelligent, extrovert, and sometimes shy …In general, I feel you’re dutiful..
But you never have enough time to stay focus on something…A very big regret.
Many men from other country are not such awesome, they are slow, sometimes skeptical, not open, a bit retarded…( like some Jap- or northen european)
they don’t even have big friends, they don’t need many admirers, they don’t fancy others like THEM to fancy.. I mean, they have their own VIEW.
You guys don’t have it, or more simply , easily lose your attention. maybe it’s harder to lose face.
Even in business, we need something true and loyal, not to mention about emotional side.
Luckily in many of my trips, I found many vietnamese men from the country side , they hold on to their value..even some of them are holding back too much 😉 for example, they don’t clean, shower often, have their breath too bad….
Michelle,
From your piece, my personal opinion is that, after two years of him not introducing you to his family or friends, it’s probably time for you to walk. A man who loves a woman doesn’t keep her in the closet—he wants to show her off.
Sometimes, it’s hard for us to not want to open our eyes to the hard reality.
Good luck. Find you a man who will take you out of the closet.
Hi, I’m dating a Vietnamese man. It’s my first time to date someone from a different race but I figured since we’re both asian maybe we’ll find a common ground. He’s only been in America for 3 years & I see how rich of a culture he’s brought with him from home. I very much agree with “Extraordinarily Smart” — he’s both street and book-smart but not scary at all. I find him focused, practical, determined, goal-oriented and hard worker. We’ve only been dating for over a month. I don’t know him too well yet but I just hope he’s faithful…
@ vqinvietnam, suddenly…your comment made me put my wall WAY up…
vietnamese are psycho
some are, just like you.
WELL, I WAS MARRIED TO VIETNAMESE MAN 20 YEARS SO, I AM QUALIFY TO ANSWER THIS QUESTION, YES VIETANMESE MALES LOOK AT OTHER WOMAN AND FLIRT IN FRONT THEIR WIVES FACES, BUT IF THEIR WIVES DO IT THEY CALL THEM BITCHES! SO, I FEEL THIS WAY VIETANMESE MALES ARE NOT MEN AND THEIR PIGS AND THEY DO SLAP THEIR WOMAN AROUND AND LIE ALL THE TIME! BIGGEST LIERS IN THE WOLRD! THEY PUT ON FAKE ACTS FOR FRIENDS AND FAMILY TO MAKE EVERYONE BELIEVE THEY ALWAYS AHVE MONEY AND A PERFECT FAMILY! THIS IS THE TRUTH ABOUT THEM!
just 1 viet guy doesnt represent the total population. im broke azz sh1t and i tell everyone. i try to drop and offer what i have, and my family is not near to perfect .
I am a Vietnamese man and I am not like that. I do most of the cooking and cleaning because I get home first. I take care of the house, do the laundry, change the bed, etc. I don’t look at other women, abuse my wife, or any of those things. None of my four brothers is like what is commented here. I think it’s because how we were raised. My wife is caucasian.
Good for you, I guess you’re one of a kind, keep it up.
glad to read this.. i almost got disheartened & scared. my boyfriend is VIetnamese & i am Filipina, and he is also not lazy and abusive or anything like that.. i don’t know how to cook, he does all the cooking, cleaning, and he is supportive of my career. he encourages me to take up my Masters, which is an indication that he values growth for both of us… though he is not very romantic.. 🙁
That is so true, they think they’re all that!!! Vietnamese men are soooo, sooo immature when it comes to relationship, they are not loyal at all, majority of them. They love to party, drink, flirt and pretending they’re singles even though they either just got married or been married and have kid/s. It’s very sad just to think about it. Lots of them go visit their country and remarry or cheat with their wives, they’re Pigs!!! Don’t you notice that they’re very argumentative as well, worst than women’s mouth for real!!! They lOve to mock and brag!!! Agghhhh! So full of it! I guess I just had a bad experience with that Vietnamese dude!!!
my 21 year old daughter is dating one and i see him controling her and i tell her that i don’t like him he has already lied, looks at other women in front of her and i’m just scared for her he just read some of her diary a couple weeks ago i just can’t belive she hasn’t kicked him to the curb!!!! i need help in showing her what a mistake she is making by being with him i see a big fake and yes he is full of himself i can’t stand him
hi I am Dan, a 40 year old Vietnamese man, i sympathize with your experiences. I think you are honestly right lot of Vietnamese men are that way, they fear other know their weakness and poor financial status so they try (keep up with the Jones) a lot when they are around people. If you are lucky you can find other Vietnamese men who are more educated and honest. Honesty is what make me cry and befriended with.
Do you have anything to prove that your story is true or you are making it up? Prove it? why do you stay 20 years with that same urgly guy?
True, True all True! The lying is what I couldnt’ get over . . . I could’nt believe some of the things he would lie about. WHen caught with evidence, he would say, oh sorry. But no change would ever come. Even in his girlfriend chasing. He told me once, I wont’ flirt with your friends anymore in front of you because I know you don’t like it. What is that suppose to mean . . . garbage, all garbage. I do know one very good and honorable, honest, kind, considerate, helpful vietnamese man . . at least I think he is . . . right . . .
Oh and what else does he do kill people? rob banks? Just the worst huh? And you’re just a perfect innocent angel right?
I will have to agree with this article for the most part. Vietnamese men in general from my experience all have the mentality that they are the kings in the house and their wife is a slave. My current fiance who was married to a Vietnamese man for over 5 years was abused by him on a daily basis. She would work her ass off and he would take all her money and use it for himself. She basically never saw a dime of her money. When she finally decided she wanted to take measures in her own hands and actually fight back verbally to keep her money that she worked hard for, he divorced her and now goes around everywhere telling everyone she cheated on him and shes the one who divorced him. In Vietnam, if you are a woman, it doesn’t matter if your husband is a druggy, abuser, alcoholic, gambler, or treats you with no respect, if you divorce, that means your the bad one. They ABSOLUTELY love gossiping and talking shit about everyone. A common trait amongst both the Vietnamese women and men. I hope these things will one day change and if it doesn’t, Vietnam will continue to have the problems they do as a corrupt country.
everything you say is all perfect true. they have an ughly heart. they supper ego and control freak.
i sincerely appreciate this article. i fell in love with a Vietnamese man who won’t tell me so much about his country or his culture. he is such a silent person. i don’t think he loves me that’s why. by the way, we have a daughter…
That is too bad. I would tell my wife what was like growing up in Vietnam, the culture, foods, etc. She loves Vietnamese soups and is trying to learn some Vietnamese. Maybe you should ask your husband about Vietnam. If he grew up there as I did, there were some unpleasant things, but that was a long time ago.
Here too, I know nothing of his life in Vietnam, he wouldn’t even teach me his language. DIdn’t want me to know what he and his friends and family were saying. Everything was always a secret . . .Especially his life and doings.
this is very accurate! I’m American and my boyfriend is Vietnamese and he likes me doing everything for him: throw away his trash, cook for him, pretty much everything he asks me to do, he thinks i should do it right then not in 5 minutes but right when he asks. I’m not saying that its a bad thing, i like taking care of him and i know its not him being a jerk its his culture and he was raised to sit and drink while the women do everything. I do these things without complaining because he does take care of me like it says up above. He usually pays for Everything all he asks for in return is that i love him. All this sounds crazy but trust me I’ve dated all races pretty much and vietnamese men are by far the best. They are very family oriented and love to take care of their women. Also, if i had a problem with any guy no matter the size, i know for a fact he’ll be there to take care of it. So the big ego thing is not all that bad 🙂 and all the bad comments below is true with some men but, every race and every country has some bad guys, you just have to find the good ones in the bunch<3
His culture? lol this article doesn’t mention one thing which is they’re great at brainwashing. Yeah his culture and you believe that nonsense. It’s not his culture but him screwing you in the ass and laughing behind your back
Yes, very true.. . I lived with the brainwashing and feeling stabbed in the back in many ways for 24 years. Then I had a nervous breakdown and got out! Even then it took 4 more years for me to break the chains I felt he had on my mind and emotions.
Mario, I knew a mexican named mario, we got busted picking up a sack, I took the blame and he didn’t bail me out. Said he’d pay me back but just acted like a asshole when i came over his house. Piece of shit.
Where?
I am Russian. I love my Vietnamese boyfriend.He is the best!!!
Hi, im a Vietnamese man, currently studying in the US. I hope that you are living happily with your husband.
Note to all: that not every Vietnamese man is lazy when it comes to housework. My father is a real man of the family. He usually shares housework with my mom: clean the house EVERYDAY, while she is making meals. taking care of the garden, fix the utilities…you name it. Plus, he is not very interested in drinking after working. Just go pick up the kids after school and take them home. HE IS A REAL FAMILY MAN and HE IS VIETNAMESE.
I’ve been living in the US over a year and i really like white girls. I hope that one day i can find a beautiful lady to bring her home to the folks. 🙂
I think it stereotype that you describe about vietnamese men in this article. Not all vietnamese are lazy bums they actually work and provide for their families. Consider the fact average income of 2millions dong a month, some of these men work very hard with little time socializing with friends.
Even though they are gallant and romantic they don’t do shit to try to make a relationship work
they are only gallant and romantic at first, just like every other guy out there… only to get what they want
My husband is vietnamise and he work to bring the $ that is okay! I understand that because for the moment I am @ home since 2011 I loose my job for first time in my life= unemploye. I believe that the way to keep him out of what he have to do at home. His reponsable like man of the house. Before and after I do everything even drill the wall, install water filter, organize the garage, clean toilet, take care the child including education, do the loundry, and everything else. For what? When the house is clean (not like the house of my sister in-law their are terrible in cleaning) He don’t say a “mierda” = dodo=cheat. But I learn now, when the floor is dirty and sticky and he open his mouth! Oh their are the broommmmmmssss and mop!!! or I sweep the floor or you cook or clean toilet? He have to do it. I am getting tired!!!! My temper change since I marriage him!!! The only I feel sorry is for our girl that she has to see, heard all this cheeetttt between us!! 🙁
Took me 24 years to realize that . . . then I left. Then he waited 4 years for me to come back with effort on his part to make the changes that were necessary for me to even want to come back. Just said it was my problem and when I was done have my temper tantrum the door was open for me!
“Gallant (Overdoing)
How many times do you go out with a Vietnamese man and he offers to
pay for you? How many times do you go out with that same Vietnamese man
and he offers to pay for you again? I don’t know how lucky you are,
but I rarely had to pay for anything when I visited Vietnam. Yes, I’m a
guy, not a beautiful girl as you would imagine. Most Vietnamese men
won’t let you pay if you were to go out with them regardless of your
gender, even if you have to throw a fist at them to pay for your own
share. A lot of people think that this is a very nice trait of a
gentleman, but to me they are overdoing it. Sometimes, they offer to
cover your back when they don’t even have enough money for themselves!
Maybe we could link this trait to the big ego that I mentioned above and
get a clearer picture of why Vietnamese men act like that. Some people
may say that Vietnamese men are more generous than other men. That
really depends on you.”
——
No, not really. In Vietnam, if you go out for dinner with a Vietnamese
friend. He usually suggests to pay for a meal. This time is his turn,
and the second dinner out is your turn. I mean that you are expected to
reciprocate for a return dinner. If you don’t do so, the relationship or
the hospitality could be suffered. On the other hand, Americans or
Westerners usually share bills for each time, so they don’t need to care
for the next time who will pay. Actually, Vietnamese teenagers,
including me, now are adopting the lifestyle of Western culture which is
sharing bills for every time eating out. However, in formal business,
if your Vietnamese partner invite you to have dinner at his home or
somewhere, you are expected to reciprocate at your house, or at a hotel,
or at a restaurant.
Alright, my parents are Vietnamese and I know for a fact that vietnamese men are some of the worse men out there. My mom is okay, I love her, she is controlling and very insecure but it’s partly because my father doesn’t show any affection for her. They are stuck in this ugly marriage that won’t stop. My father is emotionally absent and although he doesn’t abuse any of us, he doesn’t do jack shit to be a real ‘father’. My mom works all the time and is the breadwinner. He helps around the house at least, but for the first half of their marriage he only went out to coffee shops and never looked for a real job. He is also very egotistical and he thinks that everything should just fall in his lap, even money. He doesn’t believe in hard work or going out to make an effort.
All in all, vietnamese women have it the hardest because they have to work very hard especially when they have a family with a vietnamese man who is not helpful at all (if anything they make it worse by taking their wives money). My parents generation forbids divorce and they have stayed together for 30 something years. I feel terribly sorry for them. The Vietnamese culture has it’s good and bad but when it comes to relationships…I would say 80% of them are not so great due to their personality and up bringing.
I’m Vietnamese. I know for sure that this article is true about a lot of Vietnamese men. My dad does sit and drink with his friends but he’s also an AMAZING father. I love him with all of my heart. My mom and dad are still madly in love and he’s NEVER abused my mother. Both of my parents work and while my mom works more my dad makes more money. My dad cleans up around the house but my mom does all the cooking. My dad is VERY loyal to my grandma. He takes care of her (feeds her, takes her to the bathroom, gives her foot rubs, etc.) although my father isn’t perfect he truly is a good man. He’s taught my brothers to treat women with respect and he’s taught me how to respect men. Although my family is very modernized we still go by tradition. Elders are always to be respected and we still speak the native language around the home. Overall I think this article can be VERY true. But there are a lot of good Vietnamese men out there. Btw, I will not be a trophy wife when I marry. I plan on keeping my last name:)
I couldn’t agree more.
BEWARE. They are users. Users of partners and users of friends. I have had serious viet girlfriends including engagement and long lasting friendships with other with viet guys; and ALL were born in the US with viet being their 2nd language. They have ALL used me for something…Once I couldn’t provide them what they wanted they left/moved on. The friendship, relationship, compassion and memories all meant absolutely nothing. They treat people like ‘stepping stones’ and once they have gotten where they need, they will leave without remorse.
I spent 5 years watching my ex’s father, uncles and brother ALL treat their families as described in the articles and in the comments.
Shady, MATERIALISTIC and heartless…Its in their DNA, Viets cannot help it, the are emotionally un-evolved.
I just cant decide if the actually know what they are doing and dont care? Or are they unaware of the pain they are causing? I now shy away from ALL viets, since my realization I have never been proven wrong.
I have been married to a man who is half Vietnamese and half white. His father is/was an American marine. I am hispanic. For the most part he is a good man and has helped me care for my parents. But in the three years of our marriage, he has left me 5 times, always saying he can’t live with me anymore. He stays gone for several weeks without even caring how things are back home. He has an anger problem along with a drinking/drug problem. For months he is just wonderful, brings home his paycheck, takes care of the yard, and cooks every night, helps with my elderly father,and shows me so much love and affection. Then suddenly he gets so angry and wants to leave. He goes stays with a sibling and does alot of drinking and hanging out with other drinking buddies. BUT while he is doing all that, he does not care how I am, if things are going ok, if I need anything. I just don’t understand how they can love someone so much and then just turn off those feelings just to hang out with their buddies and drink. He works hard and earns good money, but he blows it when he leaves. Guess he just has to show his buds that he has lots of money. He always comes back home, and everything is back to normal till the next time. I have such mixed feelings. He is a gemini, guess those twins battle each other. He says he truly loves me and does not want anyone else because his heart belongs to me. But……..he feels like he needs a BREAK to hang out with the men, this is when he becomes selfish. Crazy, I know. Don’t understand why he feels he needs to leave the home to do that. Control issues I guess!
no wonder he left your ass
If you look at his childhood you will find the clue for why he is behaving that way. 99.999999 of those so called ”Amerisian” (Left over children from the war) were abused, abandon by their mothers, beggar on street, illiterate, and……..after the North took over the South in 1975. Nobody in 1975 wanted to have anything to do with a mixed child because they were labeled as American sympathizer. Most of these children were abandoned by their mother for fear of retribution. They walked the street begging for food, some ended up in orphanage house subjected to physical and sexual abused by their caretakers, mostly soldiers. Some escaped out into the street and was hunted like dogs while trying to stay alive among non-sympathized population. no one want to be caught feeding these ”mixed dog”. It was horrible being a mixed child in Vietnam after 1975.
Not all Vietnamese people are users like that..
You only see in others what you are yourself. Nuff said.
this whole thing is problematic. title is worst. we’re a people- not one person who acts and thinks in sync
my dad is the scary kind of smart!
but moving on, there’s a reason why viet men usually don’t do housework (it may be because of culture, or it’s not), but here’s what happens in my family:
[dad decides to mop the floor]
[mom walks in] “What are you DOING? That’s not how it’s done! You’re supposed to … …, not ….!”
[dad decides to cook dinner]
[mom walks in] “What are you DOING? DON’T put that in, that … doesn’t go with …., you’re supposed to put …. instead….!”
[dad decides to do laundry]
[mom walks in] “What are you doing old man?! You’re supposed to seperate the clothes first, not put them all in at once!”
[dad decides to — lol, you get the point right? But dad’s pretty cool, he can do other things, like fixing the computers, taking care of the garden, and earning bread for the family 😉
Wow, my mom actually found a lucky man to marry. He’s educated and career-orientated. My dad actually does everything around the house. Cooks, cleans, does the laundry, everything! My parents are actually both very hard workers. My mother’s always at work, so she leaves all the chores and cooking to my dad. Even if he does all of these housework, he’s still considered the man of the house. Makes the big decisions, pays the bills, etc. As regards to the ego, yes. He has a gigantic ego and always puts in his 2 cents on everything.
Well My Dad isn’t like that AT ALL He’s an educated man and a he is a lawyer . He loves my mom and our family very much he is not lazy AT ALL ! When I’m cleaning my room or my mom is doing something he tells us to stop and he does it for us . My dad does not drink only if we had a party but he would barely drink sometimes I’m around and I see and his friends complain and say its not fair that they drank like sooo many and he barely finished his first and it’s been 2 hours . My dad doesn’t cheat not anything he’s to nice I swear like I make my mistakes and he’s forgoing he’s not like why the article describes my dad doesn’t even gamble when my mom and him go to the casino for new years all my dad does is watch all he knows how to play is cards that kids know cause he plays with me and my siblings all the money he makes goes to the whole family he’s really supportive of our lives and he’s always there but sometimes I donMt get to see him cause he’s busy and I trust him … I see the way his clients are rude to him and over power and hea too nice to say anything.
Let ‘s see, Well, I am a Vietnamese guy, first is laziness, I get lazy sometimes, well, everybody does, but I am considered a very hard working personnel by my superiors, after long working hours, I come back home and cook for myself, wash dishes and laundry, do all those good stuff, well, maybe because I am not married so I feel it is necessary to do it myself, I mean, I could just leave it there, messy and dirty but I could not. Secondly, Big Ego, Well, somehow it is very, I have to say I am pretty arrogant and look down to some people (if I think they deserve it), but I am ONLY over confident at the subjects I know I am very good at, other than that, I shut my mouth and listen to the experts, yet, I dont disrepect women, compare to white men who always blabbing with their friends about sexual exprience with some women, that is very irritating if you have to listen to those comments all the time, that piss me off a lot, well, ladies, how do you like it if you find out your lover tell his friends how good you are on bed, and how (pardon me) big your breasts are, etc. Thirdly, Intelligence, well, I am not too smart but I know my Vietnamese friends are a bunch of genius, one way or another, they are very good at something very useful. Dutiful, well, I am serving in the U.S military (I am living in the States) and I send over half of my pay check every month to my mom, that explains something hopefully. Romantic, well, this is my weakside since I am a military personnel to the vein, I ‘ve found it is hard for me to show a lady how much I care about her and a lot of Vietnamese ladies are sick of it, but just like other Vietnamese men, we are easy to get knocked down by a nice, beautiful lady, we love romantic songs and poems. Oh, forgot, Gallant, yes, that is true, I and my friends (Vietnamese of course) always try to pay for others, It is not because THE BIG EGO, It is just that we think because we are friends, then money is not the matter, the American way is too share the payment, I found it a very problematic if your friend is a money-lover, he will go all day long about how the share is not fair to him, or he thinks he should pay less and you must pay more, with my Vietnamese friends, either way is good, we share to utmost of our ability (some have more money than the others) or one pay for all, as long as friendship is unharmed. And we love notthing more than sitting down with our friend, have some beer or coffee, talking about all kind of things in this world or a nice dinner with our beloved wife and kids.
Wow, I tumbled to this website by accident and found this discussion is very interresting. I am a Viet woman and has been married to my Viet husband for 16 years so I think I am entitled to voice my opinions here. In general, I think we should separate men who live in VN and men who live outside of VN.
In our house, my husband and I both work, he makes more money since I only work part time so I spend more time take care of the kids. We put our money together to spend and we tell each other if we spend certain large amount of money for something unexpected. For house work, we share. I shop, cook, taking kids to doctor appoinments, bills, organize events like birthdays or parties,etc. He vacumm the house, believe me I don’t even know the how to turn on our vacumm machine, he paint, fix every thing from washer, dryer, computer etc. my kids go to him more now when they have problems with their computer or games. He cut the grass, fix the cars etc. he can even cook well. He has his signature dish that most of our Viet friends love it. He doesn’t drink, we have maybe 1 glass of red wine once a week maybe. He is not a gambler, we did go to casino once a while for Vietnamese music, it is free in casino so we play but not addictedly like some people I know. I think it is depend on family up bringing. For low education background families, their kids will act or repeat their parent acts or behaviors. I have seen VN friends that husbands drink, flirt and cheat but the wives still in full duties as good wives. I guess they are brainwashed by their husbands saying that whatever happen they still are only honor their 1st wife not the mistress or other women in their lives. I honestly don’t like the way men talk about sexual experiences with any women, it is bedroom talk not for public talks. I have to remind my husband all the time since the guys loves to talk about that topic when we have gathering or parties. Also, kids are around and they could pick that up from their very good VNese as 2nd language. My husband is very family man, he takes care of his side of family. His parent, sisters and brothers are always seeking him for advises or helps. Sometimes, that makes him put me in the position that I feel like I am the last person in his list. But I think he sometimes overwhelmed with his family duties with his parent and siblings although he is the younger one not the oldest. About paying for eatting out, he and I prefer Western or American way, cut the bill in as many way depend on how many people at the table. If it is just us, I usually end up to pay since I carry cash and he does not carry cash with him. If the restaurant take credit card then he will pay. When we were dating then he was the one to have the honor to pay. I think most of Viet men and that including my husband are having problem with showing their feeling. They don’t buy flowers or gifts to their wife or even just hug or kisses in public. For my husband i think he is afraid that would show he is so vo in Vietnamese or worship his wife as I always hear from him about his brothers afraid of their wives and always do as being told to do by their wife. I don’t like it because it makes me feel like I married to his whole family and being used all the time when my in law just anounce that they are coming and we have to drop everything to entertain them. That is the one big thing that I disapprove about our Vietnamese tradition the son or younger can not speak up about their beleiving or thinking because that would mean disrespect to the elders. So, inclusion, Viet men are depend on the enviroment that they grow up in. Look at Viet Nam right now, the society makes the men act like now, lier, cheaters, heavy drinkers, etc. Some of the men from other countries came back and start acting the same way because it makes their ego satisfy and grow even bigger. They can dominate again where as outside of VN they can’t because women have lawful rights and being protected by modernized societies in the Western area of the earth and north of America.
I’m viet and my father is not lazy at all…. so you can’t generalize all viets as lazy bums. My father works his butt off not only at his job, but at home he also fixes things around the house as well as occasionally clean every knook and cranny of the house. If anything my mom probably cleans the house less than he does… no offense to her.
actual this is quite true…well somewhat my dad is vietnamese and he was born on a farm and his dad (GRANDPA!) cheated on his mom (REAL GRANDMA!) with my step grandma (grandpa regrets it) so my dad nows how it feels to be unloyal to a partner and most of the lazy bums are actual in the cities while most of the poor or the farmers arent lazy bums and my mom is from the city so she complains about doing work so she is the lazy bum in my family (mom doesnt do anything but do nails SO STEROTYPICAL and yet she complains its hot when shes in a air conditioned room for 6 days a week FOR THE WHOLE DAY UNTIL NIGHT and when she gets a day off she says she does all the work (-_-) also it depends on personality…..so to sum this all up
CITY FOLK VIETNAMESE=lazy cheating motha f***in b*****
POOR/FARMERS=hard workers loyal
PS. my dad doesnt hit my mom its the other way (-_-‘)
I have a Vietnamese friend and I have to say hes the least lazy person ive met, but alot of what is desribed here, is the way he is ^^ Hes really smart, has a big ego (but hes not rude) dutiful to his parents and very very sweet. I happened to like most Vietnamese guys 🙂
Perhaps the title of this article could have been worded differently, like: “common complaints from Vietnamese housewives about their husbands”, “what Vietnamese women find attractive about Vietnamese men”, or “what do Vietnamese sons think of their fathers”. Even though I think that still would be opening a can of stereotypes.
These broad remarks and generalizations, whether good or bad, are never good for any group of people. The same could be said about the men in any culture or nation. There are lazy, dutiful, smart, dumb, romantic, and not-so romantic types of men everywhere. I have both observed and not observed these characteristics in men of all types and in all kinds of degrees.
Extraordinarily Smart? If would have been better to compare literacy rates than make such a suggestive comment on something so subjective like intelligence. Good or bad, it’s never a good idea to make generalizations about anyone.
lack of education has little to do with intelligence
I am the provider… I pay the bills ! My Vietnamese wife is the caretaker. Any money she earns outside our home is hers. We know our positions in life and it provides harmony in the home.
lol this is so true..my dad is so lazy..xD I find it kind of sexist how the viet ladies have to do all the work =.=
I am German but met my Vietnamese boyfriend in America while studying. I gotta say that he never asks me to do anything like cleaning etc.. Plus, he always pays and takes good care of me, he doesn’t have that kind of an ego, too. Guess I am pretty blessed with my boyfriend, haha!
Vietnamese people are so dumb. I’m a Vietnamese male.
I have to admit that we have almost never contributed to the world’s civilization. We only copy & paste, and never innovate. Our IQ is 96 according to Richard Lynn, way below China, Korea, Japan, Taiwan, Hongkong, but I guess our IQ deserves to be 70 or 80.
Look at Vietnam right now? A shitty place. Look at the Vietnameses living oversea ? Shitty people who are small, unintelligent, try to live on welfare.
By your speech, I know you are a Chinese piece of sh1t. Don’t pretend. You can’t fool me. I KNOW! Chink!
They are all trash….unpredictable,cheating wives. Even though a vietnamese friend told me that all vietnamese married guys like HIT and RUN, which means they cheat Sex from naive ladies.
Oh they’re all trash? FU you racist piece of sht.
so true, depending on the area but for the most part, they are appearance conscious, pathologically lying, cheating, materialistic egomaniacal, selfish, dull, lazy (except the men from Northern Vietnam, most of them are not lazy at all), faked, heartless, scheming, backstabbing, using others as stepping stone even within own family or relatives … the bottom of Asia,
Culture of Vietnam is typically different from every
other country in many ways. Here are few of these:
Vietnam has 54 different ethnicities, each with their own
traditional dance.
Water puppetry is a distinct Vietnamese art
Vietnamese cuisine is extremely diverse. Main foods are
spicy, sour, nuoc mam, and flavored by a variety of mint and basil.
And
Martial arts
Here is more about Vietnam and its culture: http://www.weareholidays.co.in/travel-guide/vietnam-tourism
I am a filipina. my boyfriend ís a vietnamese, I really don’t believe that vietnamese men are lazy! maybe few but my boyfriend is not.He cooks for me, even cut my own nails as well. he ís so smart, so naughty, so sweet that he made a bouquet of paper flower and for me it’s priceless. He is also caring like a mother to me 🙂 but the best of all he is brave! I can say that he ís the best boyfriend I ever had! a total package!! and I wish to marry him someday. 🙂
I can say that Vietnamese men are better than filipino men.
Women, if you choose the wrong guy, blame yourself and try to find a way out. Do not blame the culture! That is simply stupidity. I know bad and good Vietnamese guys, and of course, bad and good men. There is no clear distinction between being good and bad, as people’s expectations vary greatly due to their culture, education, and experiences. Generalisation, which is one of the most common logical fallacies, only limits your ability to understand the matters thoroughly as it gives you an extremely narrow view. Be open minded and kind hearted, you would be surprised.
Anyway, I disagree with the article in general. The lazy bums and the ego bits were stereotyped and shallow. The smart, dutiful and romantic are irrelevant and superficial. The soldiers and warriors, for example, went to war not because of they understood their duty for the motherland. The complicated idea of nationalism is actually relatively new, and it had been very vague ever since. And how on Earth could you say Vietnamese guy is romantic just because most composers are men?
I’m Viet girl and love my Vietnamese boyfriend. He is sweet and hardworking. Though he has some drawbacks, it just makes me love him more.
Interesting article. I am a 20 year old vietnamese-american man. My sister (22) told me a story about how my dad was a really good man and a caring father through my oldest brother (3x). Years ago, when i was just a child, my father worked two jobs as an immigrant in america. As a result he would always be tired, and my uncle (his brother) introduced my dad to meth; my dad didn’t hesistate and took the drug thinking it would provide the desired effect to help him continue his work, unfortunately, that drug was the downfall of my father. Sadly, I was not of age, or even born to experience the loving father he once was. I only have memories of his angry behavior and abusive nature to my mother. They are now legally divorced. moral of this story, do not touch the devils pipe.
I am an American, married to a Vietnamese woman and have lived in Viet Nam 8 years. From my observation of family dynamics in the cities where I have lived, the real cause of Vietnamese males exhibiting certain negative characteristics must be laid at the feet of Vietnamese mothers. They are responsible for setting them up with their expectations that they are unaccountable for their actions and responsible for nothing. It starts when they are toddlers when they have no restraints placed on their behaviors. Girls on the other hand are required to care for their younger siblings and do other household chores at a very young age. It’s no wonder boys and adults have a sense of entitlement.
The whole laziness thing probably has a lot to do with the gender expectations. I watch my mom do so much things for my brother and I when it comes to just the simple things, I’m more than capable of doing those things myself and it irritates me when my mom takes it on herself to do those things for me. I think our parents think they’re doing it out of love, and I’m sure that’s where the motivation stems from, but it doesn’t help young men thrive and become independent in the long term, which is a shame. I think because the culture in Vietnam is so traditional, cultural change will require an enormous amount of education and creativity to overcome. Our country needs it’s own version of Feminism, it is long overdue and vitally necessary if Vietnam is to be at all competitive in the world economic system. Our parents are loving their sons to death. Give them more responsibility, expect more out of them, support instead of doing everything for them. The traditional gender expectations need to die hard.
Yes and no. By way of background, I’m American (not Viet Kieu), married to an Hanoian girl (PhD and make her own life from a modest background growing up in the country just outside of HN. I lived there several years with her. First, I have lots of VN male buddies, most of them are well-educated and really hard-working, mostly loyal. It’s true there’s a lot of male bad behavior. I’d also note–and I think this is important–I was probably MORE angry about the rampant piggish behavior I saw from “tay” (western) people when I lived in HN. Going back to my wife, I see lots of VN women, especially like her, the ones who are younger, educated, are driven half-insane by some of the negative issues that are, yes, a real problem with VN. Specifically, the cheating. Everyone knows it’s a problem, but ultimately everyone’s responsible for their own behavior.