Vietnamese Women Marry Foreigners

Co-written with  Nga Vu – Second year candidate for Master of Science in Energy System Engineering program at University of Michigan. Roughly 40,000 Vietnamese citizens married foreigners, including overseas Vietnamese or Viet Kieu, between 2005-2008 according to the statistics provided … Continued


Co-written with  Nga Vu – Second year candidate for Master of Science in Energy System Engineering program at University of Michigan.

Roughly 40,000 Vietnamese citizens married foreigners, including overseas Vietnamese or Viet Kieu, between 2005-2008 according to the statistics provided by the justice department of Ho Chi Minh City.  Furthermore, about 92 percent of these marriages occurred between Vietnamese females and foreigner or Viet Kieu males, and of the husbands, 35.6 percent were Taiwanese. Because of this high percentage in Vietnamese women marrying the foreigner males, this article focuses on the reasons for Vietnamese women to marry a foreigner and leave the rest of the stuff for your own personal opinions.

  • Seek for material comfort: From the delta in Vietnam’s south to small rural towns in the north, a growing number of young women are marrying foreigners, mostly from Taiwan and South Korea. They seek material comfort and more important, a way to save their parents from a life in extreme poverty, which many Vietnamese consider their greatest duty.
  • Escape from the traditional culture: In the Vietnamese culture, women are educated to be nurturing, willing to sacrifice and wait for her husband even until they turn into stones. This expectation has shaped the Vietnamese women to be the most beautiful and respectful creatures on earth but at the same time it is a factor that somewhat contributes to the result of shaping the modern Vietnamese men into a lazy and macho type of man. Plus, the old conceptions of “Trong Nam Khinh Nu” and “Chong Chua, Vo Toi” have further put the weights onto the Vietnamese women’s shoulders to the point that some of them just wish for an escape.
  • Less requirements from foreign husbands: The majority of Western men do not care much about the past of their partners. The brides are not required to get the approval from all of the husband’s family members. Western husbands usually don’t have restriction on the bride’s career, education level, family backgrounds, or virginity. For the Asian husbands other than Vietnamese, they don’t have many other choices from their own country due to “limited supply”.
  • Life changing opportunity: A handful of young beautiful and smart Vietnamese girls who come from very much wealthy family also decided to choose a foreign husband over a local one.  Their purpose is not to seek for a more wealthy life or to full fill their material/monetary needs.  Rather, the opportunity to become famous and successful in a developed country is the most-driven force for them.
  • Just to see what is out there: Some people are just tired of seeing the same things over and over again.  They are curious about the outside world.  Not everyone is capable to travel to even one part of the world and experience the differences.  Marrying away is one way to do so with all of the life changing opportunities.  It is common to see people who come back to their homeland after realizing what they see out there are not exactly what they want.
  • To love and to be loved: This is the most obvious and simple reason of all.  In fact, it is believed that all marriages ought be this way.  Most women have gone through years of their life finding love, but in the end they happen to fall in love with a foreigner. Vietnamese or not Vietnamese, these women make decisions based on who and what they love.

Regardless of the reasons, most Vietnamese brides are highly dependent on her husband upon arriving to the foreign country. In many cases, the poor girls become the victims of some sort of human trafficking.  We can discuss this topic in a separate article.  For now, we have summed up almost every reason that we think a Vietnamese woman would marry a foreign husband.  We may have missed a few, but would love to learn from you.  Nonetheless, it is important not to judge but important to understand the circumstances of each situation that force a person to make such decision.  Some people are lucky to be happy with their marriage, but bless to those who don’t.  In the end, happiness comes with variety.

NOTE:  The phrase “Vietnamese women marry foreigners” used in this article refers to Vietnamese women in Vietnam marry a non-Vietnamese or Viet Kieu husband.

________________

Reference: http://www.state.gov/g/drl/rls/hrrpt/2009/eap/136015.htm


  • http://www.adaptvietnam.org Diep Vuong

    We have been working on the issue of anti-human trafficking in Vietnam for the past 5.5 years in the Mekong Delta and now at the border of Vietnam-China. The cumulative statistics is much higher than this number, especially once the “channels” of marriage brokers are established. From 2003-2008, more than 30,000 Vietnamese brides have come to Korea. These days, Vietnamese young women pile into a room, strip naked for Korean potential husbands to “look” them over for defects. Vietnamese newspapers have been reporting on these police busts; in one instance, 187 young women were found in one place, 40+ stripped naked in one room where 7 Korean men were “inspecting” the “merchandise”. 4 were registered potential husbands, the other 3 were “coming along for a look”.

    There are several ways to consider this reported incident. My thoughts are:
    * The young women did not know that they need to strip, yet do so under duress
    * The young women knew that this is what they have to do and decided to strip in order to gain a husband
    * The young women knew nothing of their potential husbands
    * The young women cannot back out of the deal since their id has been taken away and they are being charged for “room and board” each day of their stay in Saigon to look for a husband

    All of these circumstances still reek of the risk of being trafficked. We have asked the question outloud: In Vietnamese early morning markets, would you dare to touch a piece of meat and/or be brave enough to turn it over, and then walk away instead of buying? You would be risking all of your ancestors’ honors at the hollering of the merchants. Yet many (in the thousands) young Vietnamese women today feel that this would be required of them to gain their “freedom”. They still feel the same traditional way about “mở hàng” at the market.

    I would also add that these types of mass arranged marriages are NOT considered human trafficking. Not by the foreign government and not by the Vietnamese government. About 10,000 women are to marry this year to Korea. Probably similar number to Taiwan. It is difficult to see the likeliness of marital bliss. Tragedies abound for those who return to stay in VN. No stats on that either.

    A side point: I am hard pressed to find an incident where bus loads of Vietnamese women from the Delta poured into small street corners in some known areas of Saigon for overseas Vietnamese to inspect for “defects”.

  • GregT

    Some Vietnamese women are loonies. They play mind games and pretend to be your friend. They just use foreigners to escape. I dont call this “marital bliss”. I call it no better than an american marriage. They always fall apart. The only difference is that the Vn women are weird.

    • Love Asian Bride

      booo

    • Billy Goat

      You’re a pussy beta. Keep losing in life, faggot.

  • http://none Dan C.

    Every culture has it’s share of “loonies.” When dealing with a foreigner, study their history, culture, upbringing and habits before making any decisions or judgments .

  • Hoa A

    I think it must be some reasons for these Vietnamese women marrying foreigners? no one would throw their life that easy…Is there American marriage / American dreams happen to other countries? States, countries and societies involve in this issue…widerly that might be unbalance in men and women? population crisis?

  • Jon UK

    As a Brit married to a wonderful Vietnamese lady I fail to recognise the “characters” portrayed in the article and some of the comments. However, I had lived in VN for 3 years, when I met my wife.

    Anybody selecting a spouse in the same manner that they would buy something from the market is beyond my understanding.

  • jonathn

    i need a life partner

    • dosary

      i need same one with me.

      best regards

    • Eoolh

      me too, where is he?

      • Shahid

        i am here baby

  • ellrich

    Like all other countries around you, maybe less than thailand and especially laos, vietnamese marrying foreigners seek the easy way out, thinking they found a road paved with gold. In 9 out of 10 cases along with it they destroy families. All the excuses in the world can not undo the damage done by a woman without a conscience, so please cut the bull shit and admit the facts. yes, these mostly old men in their mid life crisis are to blame but so are these women who out of greed let themselves be bought regardless. Stop, just simply stop your excuses and go to work!

    • karma

      i so agree with you. they are home wrekers. destroy marriages with innocent kids for their own selfish needs. they give service to these naive man in every possible way and who knows if half of it is even real.

    • Billy Goat

      You’re probably some pussy beta who underestimated their intelligence to know better and didn’t care to learn jack shit about respecting the culture. Keep losing in life, faggot.

  • http://tmoble william

    well people of he world i have study the vietnam people for 30yrs. all they realy want is freedom to help there parents and tried of ho chi minh city to many people in . soory to say that about vn but i think vn is out of control.

  • http://tmoble william

    wow marry all in the world

  • Ray

    As a foreigner living in Vietnam for 5 years, and (of course) still single… although I had many GF and a few proposals to marry. I am mid 40′s, fit, and well educated.
    I agree with the reasons given, except the last reason. Vietnamese woman marry a foreigner for true love??? You were joking, right?
    I have met many Vietnamese, so sweet and beautiful…even call me handsome (when I get my salary)..hahaha. Of course its a trap so they can escape Vietnam and make lots of $money$ to send back to their parents…be the hero and gain face in the eyes of ALL the locals. So these women marry a foreigner/VKieu to “USE” them to pay for ALL their expenses, buy a house, motorbike… and finally get them to another country. Once they “milked” their husband dry, and their “dream” is accomplished…then its BYE BYE to the foreigner husband
    .
    What about the marriages that have worked? SImple answer…the foreigner still pays everything in the foreign country, already bought her family a house, and his Vn wife could not find a better “deal” because she is usually of older age (40+ and avg looking). So she decides to “stick” with him instead of actually “working for a living” on her own. They always have kids in this situation, so she needs his $$$.

    Any more questions?

    • Matthew

      Ray, do you really believe that? You are telling me that ALL Vietnamese women who marry a foreigner are doing it just to “use” him, that love never exists?

      From a needs perspective (Maslow), safety and security are the foundation. To be honest, I think all people evaluate the ability of their future partner before marriage, that is the dating process. Women in the US, regardless of ethnicity, want to be taken care of. The key difference is they (American woman) are more selfish. At least a Vietnamese woman will care for the house, family AND work. She works and will send her money back to her family.

      Also, having spent a lot of time in SE Asia. One attribute that Asian woman tend to believe is that American men are more caring and committed. It is common practice for Asian men to have girlfriends and not treat the women with as much respect. This obviously varies by each culture. However, American men do not have the reputation of Asian, French or Middle Eastern men.

    • soleil_levant

      I don’t agreed with you and I think you don’t really understand the vietnamese women. 

      1) You don’t have chance to frequent the girls who aren’t well-educated or who don’t have any skill or knowledge to live on their own because you just meet them in a bar, dancing club, etc. and you don’t understand that the good vietnamese women prefer to go in a place more calm like a coffee shop where you can hear the music Trinh Công Son or a coffee shop like Cooku’s Nest to hear the French music …. 

      2) You could never find a country in the world that a girl or a woman are always ready to sacrify for the family like VietNam. It’s true even during the War and nowadays (experience of my family – my friends’family where the women aren’t happy with their husband who are too patriarchal (I don’t know if this word is correct? It means they don’t want to hear their wives’opinions) but they don’t want to divorce because they don’t want the children growing up without their father or mother and have a bad concept of marriage. One other detail, the wives are the principal person who earn money in these families.

      3) Love exists in VN. I can confirm it!
       You just have to live among us to find out your real princess! 

      Hope you meet somebody who could make you change your opinions about vietnamese women!

      • teacup

        Nice guy, good thinking. i have some similar thoughts with you. different culture may lead to different lifestyles. nice defences

      • samdukes

        I met a vietnamese girl on internet by the reference of my brother and she is so nice caring and even fight with me when she doesn’t know my english in proper way as in north of vietnam many girls dont know how to speak english in proper so they get confused while speaking to foreigners. Lot of people say that vietnam girls will screw your life and take away all of your money and make you mad with empty hands. I heard so many bad comments from people but apart from that if we think in a positive way then i guess everything will be fine as my girl she is from north of vietnam and she is highly qualified and she belongs from a good family her dad is a doctor and i have seen their pics and i have learned from her lot more about there culture. So i guess we should find a reputed family girls in vietnam instead of blaming vietnamese girls. Still iam with my vietnam girl she is so nice and i gonna marry her soon and take her to my Country.

      • mike

        sorry mate, the girls i had a relationship with are uni graduates with msc or MBA , comes from a well to do family but at the beginning very sweet and after few months wont to take pans on and boss you , just like western girls and may be more, Please spare me the thoughts that kind polite etc etc all they wont is a big pocket and to be showered with gifts a never ending story to me they are all the same they look for a foreigner because they cannot get alone with their own and at the age of 25 plus mammy wont them to get married and at the age of 29 plus they are not married those educated and can speak English prefer to go for a foreigner but they wont to have the cake and eat it too

      • Rafster

        Hi I don’t agree with you entirely it’s true Asian girls can be self righteous due to their austere culture in contradiction to their new found cultural changes happening in Asia more particularly China. But the one I have met is sound she never gets angry in comparison I have a menstrual cycle with my ups and downs and I am a bloke. I never bought her anything for valentines and go out with the lads on the town drinking and she stays at home minding the house and never complains really. I just cook some western and Indian styles dishes for her and she is happy.
        Been together for 6 months now and she wants me to be with her for good or if not i can leave any time. Chinese girls are more demanding nowadays and their culture is very insular and they secretly have the biggest superiority complex. So all my advice is be harsh with them give them hard love as they are Asians and reserved then you will know if she wants you after that period don’t spoil her till you know her real intentions just be wise and patient you will know soon enough. But if you are in a hurry to get your end away (plunge your dick) well then you will attract the fannies who want the plunger Nd in this way you are part of the Russian Ruollete or the chase and then only the strongest or empty hearts win. But we are blokes and we can be just as vulnerable to a broken heart as women so make a wise choice if your naive and take your time or play the game like some of your female counterparts its life right!

    • william

      note:  i have been to vietnam 5 times and love the country but very hot i am merried to vn lady know and she has no kid’s nevery been merried and 50yrs old very pretty….women  but i told her i might live in vietnam    then she said ok  but she want’s  to come to usa frist i hope she doesn’t want to just have her freedom…i thinking about that many vn people  do that when they come to usa..what made go to vn was i lost 2-brother’s in the vn war i am the youngest one in our family..

    • Kthanhpn@gmail.com

      I’m a Vietnamese woman who comes from a well-educated family with a decent income. I’m studying in the United States ATM, but I haven’t fallen in love with any guys yet, Asians or otherwise. I will admit that, from the Vietnamese perspective, Caucasian men are handsome from the exact features that might make them ugly to the American eyes: “high” (large) nose, pale (white) skin, etc. So, in a sense, I guess this different evaluation of beauty would give Western men an advantage in the courting process.
      However, I grew up seeing my overbearing, control-obsessed Vietnamese father abusing my all-sacrificing, enduring mother, it is hard for me to get over my dislike for Vietnamese men, especially if they’re first gen. That doesn’t mean I’ll play the damsel-in-distress role to any and old Western guy like the stereotype that Williams stated. I agree that not all women marry out of love, but not all women, Vietnamese or otherwise, marry for financial reasons either.

      • Cws503795

        Hi, can u introduce me to a nice honest student tour guide who can guide us during my first visit from 2/18-2/24? SJ here.

    • Betty

      I feel pity for you coz you just met such cheap girls and had such negative thoughts about Vietnamese girls. However, no doubt majority of the girls are like that, hmm but somehow I still meet some different girls and it’s very difficult for those girls who live agaisinsts the whole society! Tht’s s the reason why those girls want to escape from this country

    • teacup

      Real experiences. i am a Vietnamese girl too. i have some sympathy with your thoughts. to be honest i think that those girls that you met account for pretty number. just my own thinking, hihi. but i wish you had had a chance to love a true Vietnamese girl. sincerely, teacup

    • teacup

      also, culture of thousands of years of Vietnamese is that they often don’t live “fast”, you understand me? whatever creates themselves in this modern world, a part is culture and traditions. so different, man. i’m so accidentally meet this article so just a few accident thought to contribute.

    • brokenrose

      Oh sorry sweetie, you had some fucking bad vietnamese girls. those bad girls cannot make the whole vietnamese girls. I have dated foreigners but u know what was in their mind actually? that was how to get their dicks inside my p…. Nothing else. No true feelings. You got your own opinion about vn girls and we have our thoughts about western guys. See and compare

    • KT

      haah actually you dont get our culture. our sense of community is great… yeah I agree that some only use men but some others choose to stay at home taking care of the family!… Thats how we call A Home… we live together, pay for the cost of living cuz we have OUR MONEY, OUR SAVINGS… no matter who would go out and work!

    • Terry

      That sounds like an average American woman 40.

    • bb

      it is because you are an asshole and you are not derserved a good Vietnamese girl.

    • guest

      some Vietnamese girls are like your words….but not all. they are very very lazy, no wokr, no money…..every evening to the pubs, bar to look for people who are rich and ready overnight!!!!!

      so, if you stay Vietnam along time, you can meet and communicate lots of good girl: spirit and body.
      good luck for u.

    • Michael Toy

      I agree wholeheartedly and wished I met you before marrying my wife whom I am filing for divorce. EXACTLY as you say.

    • Michael Toy

      Are you listening Billy Goat….Start reading from “What about the marriages that have worked”….numb nuts he he

  • Shane

    If you marry a hampster a duck or a vietnamese lady , success in the marriage is based on both your gross border marriage goals and values. If you want a high legged miniskirt wrapped exposed clevage magnet for an attention seeking partner you obviously have a game to play in your motivation of partnering with her.
    Cross border marriage counscelling is an essential ingredient in understanding your own motivations of
    partnering with a Vietnamese lady. You marry for atleast a decent motive you may not be a resident of
    seperation city in the the future. Do most people do marriage counscelling in cross border marriages….if you are thinking of marrying a girl from Vietnam …do it! Love is a huge motivation for these ladies but you have to do your homework. Ask youself …Why do you really want to marry a Vietnamese lady ?

    • iamturningvietnamese

      G’DAY TO ALL POSTERS & READERS,, WELL,,I HAVE STUMBLED ACROSS THIS WEBSITE IN SEARCH OF A LITTLE PIECE OF MIND. I HAVE BEEN TO VN TWICE IN THE LAST 4 MONTHS,AT FIRST 4 A HOLIDAY COZ IT ALWAYS SEEMED LIKE AN INTERESTING PLACE TO VISIT,,,,& THE SECOND TIME COZ I FELL IN LOVE WITH THE CULTURE…………..& A BEAUTFUL GAL !!!. IN THE SHORT TIME I HAVE KNOWN HER SHE HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT A PURE DREAM,,I HAVE MEET HER LOVELY FAMILY, COOKED SOME OZZIE FOOD 4 THEM & THEY HAVE COOKED FOR ME, WASHED MY CLOTHES & TAKEN CARE OF ME WHEN I WASNT FEELING SO WELL !!!! I HAVE BEEN VERY KEEN IN LEARNING VN LANGUAGE & CUSTOMS,,I MUST SAY,,IN LEARNING THIS I FEEL I HAVE SHOWN SOME RESPECT………..HENCE
      ,,,,I HAVE RECEIVED SOME RESPECT…I HAVE BEEN TO BARS & CAFE’S WHERE I HAVE BEEN SURROUNDED BY WHOLE FAMILIES TEACHING ME VN !!!! THEY LOVE TO LAUGH AT US OZZIES TRY TO TALK THEIR LINGO ,ALSO I LOVE TO HEAR THEM TRY & SAY SOME OZZIE SLANG !!!! ANYWAY ,,,,,,I DONT REALLY HAVE A SIDE TO TAKE…..OR HAVE EXPERIENCE IN LOOKING 4 NEGATIVES BEFORE I LOVE SOMEONE,,,,FUCK MAN ,,,,IT JUST HAPPENS……….ALL I KNOW,,IF THIS BEAUTIFUL VN GAL WANTS ME 4 A LIFE TIME,,,,,,I WILL GIVE HER A LIFE TIME……….MAYBE I WILL KEEP U POSTED AS THIS EVENTUATES !!!!!!

      • Jo Jo

        Hey dumb ass Ozzie sorry your just another stupid naive Ozzie that’s a sucker! Just wait , you have no idea , it’s guys like you that they know w fall into there trap

    • Jo Jo

      Who are you? Do you have e-mail

  • william

    note: i have been to vietnam 5-times and love it there,it is some thing that make’s me go back  not just the women…………..my 2-brother’s where killed in the vietnam war……i am the youngest of the brother’s..
       the soul’s of my brother’s are there i guess……i am going to move there some-day i do have a wife that live’s in vietnam……..no kid’s and lives with her family like the other women do why they don’t like vn men””””””””is not good men i guess…or the women want to be free from vietnam….if i was a vn man i guess i would want to leave to…the goverment should be free we live on earth so all should be free….
      

    • Roybelle

      I am a Vietnamese woman who married a Canadian man, any question about Vietnamese women and tradition, just ask me:). Welcome to my blog: http://roybelle.wordpress.com. Have a nice day

      • Ron

        Hi Roybelle. I have many questions about Vietnamese women – am engaged with a very nice Vietnamese girl, but some weird things happened that are giving me lots of doubts. Sadly, your wordpress blog is gone (I did the same thing at one time, when I was convinced this relationship was over – hope yours is still fine). If you’re still around here, is there any way to contact you? Greetings and best of luck!

      • http://profile.yahoo.com/NQFP65V4DABTUBT4YMO3S4BUQA pinkixora

        u can email  me if she doesnt reply at pinkixora yahoo dot com

  • Zak Imranov

    I am Ah Australian moved to Vietnam to be with my girl friend whom I have met when I was on vacation , during my two weeks vacation we stayed together had a wonderful time we had good sex , but when I moved to Vietnam and settled down there comes the problems, chatting  on the phone all day long, out with her girl friends  does not feel having sex, untidy house, does not show her affection , i do not knowi if she still love me me or not and when I ask  i get that Vietnamese girl dont like sex very much,  Vietnamese girl culture  do show their feelings  like kissing, or hugging , I HAD ENOUGH AND BACKED MY BAGS AND HEADED HOME,  if any one  had a better luck or think otherwise  feel free to e mail me zakimranov@yahoo.com 

    • brokenrose

      Lol… I am vietnamese girl and I LOVE sex. I think that girl didnt love you enough to build up a serious relationship for you two therefore she didnt try to maintain your relationship. I had an western bf and he felt good when we were together no matter what. Just my experience, you can email kiss_unow@yahoo.com if you have any questions

  • timmer

    well i found a good one, who is not looking over my should to make me type this message. she’s the best wife computer scientist ever. Really.

  • Ptbls7

        Until it feels right and I can see communication in HCMC free of cynical giggles of ‘greed and give me’, I will stick to my own distance towards all Vietnamese girls and women. 
        Very very few friendships and no affairs in VN have given me a feeling that I might go with it and trust it. In my experienc there is an almost genetic make up that preconditions the female side here to grab the other part ‘for the sake’ of grabbing. I’m not saying it’s completely different in other cultures, it surely is in nature too. 
        But it surely is very different here. It’s harsh and palpable. Pragmatic reasoning is a fundamental – because NECESSARY – stone in building the ‘house for a relationship’. But very sadly I have seldom experienced real human giving from the VN-side.  
        Assuming it’s the result of the country’s history is a false and easy argument to cover up the lack of independent and sovereign moral and emotional judgement. And we know where that comes from don’t we.
        I’m writing this not out of anger but disappointment. Imagine what much larger percentage of people here would gain if the game was played on correct human terms. The result would be so much more happier. But as long as the grounds here remain a play-field- almost battlefield – between ‘you and me’, us and them, west and east, liberal or not, human ethics will not really progress. 

  • Rikko

    Hi, I am married with a Vietnamese woman for the past 5 years, we have lived in Vietnam for a total of 1.5 years (and we are here currently for an extended 12 month visit) and we have visited on 4 other occasions as well.  We have also lived in Australia for around 3 of those 5 years, although my wife has never been happy to be far away from her family (her mother, son and 3 sisters).  Indeed, she would be happiest (as she has told me), if the entire family lived in the same house in Saigon together!  Quite a different perspective to what we “westerners” believe in, so intending husbands take heed and be warned.  I do not believe that is good for any marriage to be all living together in any way like that (and this probably contributed to all 3 of her sisters’ failed marriages previously).  Although I am a low-income earner (a war veteran), I have financially supported my mother-in-law for the past 5 years, as well as my stepson who did not want to migrate with his mother to Australia, when he was 17yo. also, most recently, I have paid half of the cost for a new house to be built for my sister-in-law, where we can also stay, as well as various other financial gifts to the family. My wife and I are both Christian followers (which is unusual for Vietnamese of course) and I believe I understand a lot (but never all!) of Vietnamese culture.  My feelings have been touched upon by other comments but are different. I agree and can relate to some of the stories, however my main concern at present is to do with that part of Vietnamese culture, where the woman (my wife) still must literally ‘obey’ her oldest sister, ahead of me (because my father-in-law is deceased and the oldest sister has assumed the father-role), I don’t believe that I am trying to exert my own power or control (my wife herself is very strong in her own mind), but if I should disagree with her sister’s demands, then my opinion or request always takes second place.  Whilst I respect my wife’s filial responsibilities to her parents (in this case, her mother) but I find it extremely difficult that her sister who has taken the role of the deceased father) can have more to say about what my wife does (my wife is 53yo) than I am allowed to have.  Should there be any disagreement, then the sister has the final word!!  My wife has recently told me that she agrees with this situation!  I don’t see this as appropriate and certainly it does not seem to fit in the Christian beliefs regarding marriage (but seems to be the way in Buddhist or other non-religious Vietnamese beliefs).  There are other aspects of Vietnamese culture that foreigners may need to study very closely and carefully, before forming any permanent relationship.  I should add too, that my wife has many good characteristics which I respect, but sadly, conflict is never very far away.

    • Jo Jo

      Hi can you give me your e- mail as I have many questions thx my e- mail is rjsurf5@aol.com thank you

    • Jo Jo

      Hi

    • Hugger

      I was married to a Filipina for 11 years, and have 3 sons by her. I think your experience applies to most Asian countries.
      Large, extended families are not unusual in the Phils, but I am from a big family myself, so I have no problem with it.
      Both my ex and I were one of 9 children. She was raised by her grandmother.
      The Philippines is of course, primarily Catholic, as am I, so no conflict.
      She wanted to buy a house for her parents, because she was stung by some comment a friend made about her being married to an American, but her parents lived in a nipa hut.
      A nipa hut is made primarily out of bamboo, with dirt floors, and roof made from the huge nipa leaves. Thus its name.
      They did not.

      They had a real house, with electric and plumbing. They had a TV, the roof was galvanized steel.

      I was threatened with divorce if I did not buy them a house. We were simply not financially able to do it, but math meant nothing. We compromised our finances badly, then a year later, remodel the house or divorce.
      I understand about the mindset of looking out for family, especially aged parents, but you would not abuse a plow horse this badly.
      I have to admit, my experience is anecdotal. Few are even close to this bad. But if you want to marry an Asian lady, know all you can first.

    • Carol

      Wow, that’s crazy, I believe they just get married with foreigner to get out of Vietnam and get easy money, and suck the guy till is poor like them

  • Zakimranov

    i come from Australia and have been living with a Vietnamese girl for almost one year in Hanoi
    i come from a different culture I would have bacon and eggs and she will go to the street to have her noddle soup , so I will have to cook my own breakfast  she did not show any interest to have breakfast together comes dinner it is the same she will make her food and I would make my food I have tried to eat Vietnamese food for dinner but sorry I cant  eat it every day, the love we had wen out out of the window once she moved with me and to be honest it find it very,  very hard to live with her or  any Vietnamese girl. it just wont work in the long run so I have decided to stay away from Vietnamese girls  OK for  a week end  but NO NO  to live together and build a future
    ANY ONE DISAGREE WITH ME can write to me  zakimranov@ahoo.com  

    • teacup

      wow, an honest man. i like that.

    • http://www.facebook.com/khungdien.mat Irish Eyre

      I dont know what kind of vietnamese girl did you live with? I guess she is not a typical traditional gril

    • Love Asian Bride

      Let me tell you something, You need to work on your communication skills Zak. You can’t just assume that everything is her fault. you need to woo her.

  • Tracy Huynh

    Hi All,
     
    We open a Vietnamese Class this week, This course help you  learn a general Vietnamese for communicate outside and our culture
     
    Start: Friday ( 11 May 2012), every Friday
    Number of learners: 10
    Time: 4.00pm – 5.30pm
    Duration: 10 weeks. ( 15 hours)
    Fee: $3/ h
     
    If you are interesting in this class, Pls register  before Thursday 10 May 2012 !
     
    Thank you,
     
    TRACY HUYNH (Ms)0908 491 091
    ————————————————–TODAY EDUCATION CENTER
    68 Vo Thi Sau Street, Tan Dinh Ward, District 1, Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam
    Phone:     (08) 3820 5445 – Fax:     (08) 3820 5815
    Email:       le.huynh@today.edu.vn
    Website:   www.today.edu.vn

  • Steve N

    I’m proud to say that I’m a good looking Viet Kieu. I came back to Vietnam before to find a
    wife. I had many bad experiences there. The women there tried to trick me to buy them a cell
    phone, laptop, motorcycle, etc… and was told to later support their entire family for the rest of my life if I was to marry them. I didn’t have a problem with that.  However, what I had a problem with was that women there wasn’t worth the effort.  Why do you ask ?  well, please let me explain.  Vietnam is a POOR country.  People there will do ANYTHING for money.  They have no morales and values and will do whatever it takes to “make” money. Including sleeping around with diseased infected men. So then I asked myself, do I really want to marry someone who doesn’t have any morales with high chance of STD’s ?  What would happen if I sponsored them ?  I figured that I would have to eventually suffer the consequences and probably end up a divorced, miserable, poor old sick man.  

    Women in Vietnam are extremely deceitful. They will act proper at the beginning and slowly lure
    you to get what they want and eventually leave you. At first I thought it was just one girl, no
    sir I was wrong, ALL 5 of them tried to do the same thing to me.  And you know what the funny
    thing was ? they weren’t even average looking. LOL !  Eventually, I came to my senses and
    figured that I wasn’t EVER going to find any LOVE in Vietnam. Also, The weather there is so HOT
    (melting point HOT).  Most women wear a mask to shade from the blistering sun,  and when they
    do uncover their masks, the majority of them are extremely UGLY.  In fact, they’re soo UGLY
    that I almost threw up. and believe me, I’m really not that picky.  My relatives tried to help me find one as well but they kept refering me to UGLY, short, money hungry girls as well.  So if you’re a pathetic, old, ugly, RICH guy, who can’t even get a date in America or elsewhere and doesn’t mind getting used and abused. Maybe these type of women are for you.  Therefore, my suggestion to those men who are seeking a good wife in Vietnam, don’t bother. you ain’t gonna find one better than in America.  Women in America are classy, cute, and financially stable. They will love you for who you really are and not for what you’re worth !   So in the end, I’m happy to say that I’m married to a wonderful lady in America. THE END.

    • KT

      hahha.. it sucks guy but luckily you found your Life!! So lucky right!! I see, Fated!!!!! :))) But not all Vietnamese behave as u mentioned…=)))) LOL

  • Tyler

    You listed 5 too many reasons (out of 6). You can scratch the last 5 baseless reasons since most of those foreign-married women, most of whom were poor and uncultured, didn’t even know their respective husband/ language/ culture/ etc before the official marriage. That makes the first reason, material comfort, the more obvious choice.

  • Clemens

    Hi there all, i will be visiting Vietnam for my second time in August – is VN women really that bad? I want to prepare myself as best possible – as I do find Asian women exceptionally beautiful. Ive travelled to Malaysia, Singapore, Thailand and Vietnam before….

    • kaye

      No, Vietnamese women is not that bad. Not at all. I am so sorry that you guys have not met the one you expect yet. It is said that bird of a feather flock together. You live in your word of money and you can only meet the girls chasing your money. You need luck to find a good girl not only in Vietnamese but any where else in the world. Sometimes it happens as your destiny. Love does exist.

      • http://www.facebook.com/clemens.barnard Clemens Barnard

        Thats good to know – as it just so happens that I will be moving to VN in October, hence my visit in August to look for a apartment :)

    • Anna

      I wonder if you have found your “exceptionally beautiful” partner yet? Your comment really raises others’ curiosity.

  • Clemens

    And how do I put my picture up on my profile?

  • Luis

    Hi

    I’m a Filipino living in America who is going to Vietnam this following January to see this Vietnamese girl who I met online. We’ve been talking for five months and everything seems okay. However I would appreciate advice about her and Vietnamese culture. Can someone contact me please? My email is luispulmones@hotmail.com

    • Meg

      Hey Luis,
      Well, most of above comments have bad opinions about Vietnamese women and girls. But they did not mention the education and kind of family where those girls and women come from AND where they meet the girls.
      The well-educated girls in Vietnam most of them dont go to disco, bars alone in Vietnam or stay there too late. If you find them there, they must come together with their with their partners or group of closed friends and it’s not easy for you, foreigners to approach them. AND it’s also not easy for you guys to have sex with those girls after some dates. Those girls come from a good family they dont need your money they need your respect for themselves, their family and love. In general, they never ask you for money and ready to give money if you really need it to survive.
      If you find girls who need your money and want to spend your money, you meet cheap girls. If so, you choose her so dont complain.
      For your friend, Luis, come and visit her family as you do with your close friends in your country. You dont need to buy big present and spend your money to impress them. Bring something from your country to remind them where you come from and your culture. Just be yourself and if it does not work for you, it just means that girl and her family dont fit to you.
      Of course, I am a Vietnamese girl, went oversea for studying and now working. My girl friends in Vietnam also agree with what I mention above. Good luck!

      • Luis

        Meg,

        Thank you so much for the comment. This was one of the most helpful pieces of advice I have seen so far on this or any other site that deals with this subject. So far I am quite happy with how it is going and enjoy talking to her about many topics including and especially her culture. She is, as you say quite educated and from a very good family background.

        Cam On (Thank you).

        Luis

      • thomfcrawf2002c@yahoo.com

        Just read this chain of letters and thought I would add my experiences. I have been married to a VN woman for 3 years. I met her on my 4th trip to VN and we married on my 8th. Before we were married my wife told me she was a business professional. She translated Japanese and also spoke English and French. For her Japanese company she worked for she travelled to Hong Kong, China, Singapore, Thailand, Cambodia, etc, many times. She admitted she had an ex- boyfriend, a young VN man but he immigrated to France and with time just disappeared. I was very impressed. Multiple languages, professional and well traveled. I met her family many times and they treated me with the most kindness.
        Here comes reality. After our marriage a box from Japan came every month to our house in the US. The shipping and contents of each box valued over $400 to $700.I would say at least 24 boxes arrived the last 2 years, every month. I then found photos of my wife with an old fat Japanese man at a hotel beach resort with our 1 yr. old son. She confessed the old Japanese man took a liking to her when she worked at his factory. He paid her $50,000 for her virginity. She then was his concubine or modern geisha for 2 years. The very nice home her family lives in was not bought by her parents as she had told me but by my wife with money from the Japanese man. All those business trips in my wife’s own words were “boom boom” trips. I had always wondered how my wife’s family lived such a rich lifestyle. My wife is now in Vietnam visiting family. A box from Japan just arrived and is here in the house un-opened.
        Obviosly despite our marriage and having a son 2 years old my wife had never stopped her relationship with this Japanese man. My wife refuses to even discuss ending her relationship with this man. We live in the US and I have a very very good income. But as long as this rich Japanese man throws money at her and her family she will not end her relationship with him.
        Talk about greedy. She is married to a high income American and at the same time is maintaining a relationship with an old man who paid her to be his concubine. My wife is in VN right now so they could be on another one of their “business” trips. Worst of all my wife does not have one ounce of remorse or shame for our “situation”.
        I have the name of the rich man and the company he owns.He does appear to be a very wealthy man. I am going to see a lawyer. Does anyone on this board know VN law and what I may expect? I would caution anyone considering a relationship with a VN lady. I have lived overseas in 3rd world countries most of my adult life and still can’t believe this.

      • Luis

        I can definitely say that your situation is sad and regrettable. However if you look at my original comment I am Filipino, not a Westerner. I’ve also been to Indonesia and China. From experience I can assure you that the same thing can happen even with other Asian women, not just a Vietnamese.

      • tc

        Your comment is correct that not just VN women would do such things. But my experiences support Steve N’s, a Viet Kieu, remarks: “Vietnam is a POOR country. People there will do ANYTHING for money”. I would still advise caution. My wife had a library of text books in her home,she is well educated, we never visited clubs, her family always seemed very serious, in fact they went to church twice a week and we prayed before every meal even in restaurants. Ethics and morals seem to take a back seat to money in VN. Appearances in VN can be quite deceiving.

      • KT

        sorry bout tht :(

  • http://www.facebook.com/matthew.scott.790 Matthew Scott

    I have never been to Vietnam but I have met MANY Vietnamese families living in Louisiana ( these were families that made it out of Vietnam during the fall of Saigon in the 1970′s) and I can tell you that they are very respectful and hard working families. I have dated several vietnamese-americans and never felt that they were using me for my money ( I am a white-male -american). In fact, most of the time they had more than me! LOL……
    I have on several occasions been invited to Vietnam and i can honestly tell you RAY that i would not hesitate to date or marry a vietnamese woman. Also, you may wish to venture out-side the cities if you are searching for a soul-mate. Looking for one in a bar or dance club may not be a very smart idea.
    Traditional Vietnamese woman dont hang out in these places and are usually working all day to help support there families.
    This is of course just my opinion.

    • Unknown

      wow… what you said is totally true matthew. We vietnamese women do not seek men in bar or pubs, we look for serious relationships in real life. we want to love and to be loved, have a happy family and do not look around like some western girls.
      but as i have dated two western guys i see that they had many sweet words but inside they didnt mean that. very insensitive and even could turn around suddenly. One dumped me with no reasons, the previous day he still said that he loved me but the day after he didnt want me in is life. What an asshole, i never forget.
      Anyone who has bad experience like that can share with me by kiss_unow@yahoo.com

    • thoakim

      thank you for your good comment about vietnamese. i am a vietnamese .i am learning english.i hope can keep contact with evryone to improve my english skills

      • seven

        Okay

  • http://www.facebook.com/matthew.scott.790 Matthew Scott

    As far as the food is concerned, you would be hard pressed to find a culture more diversed in the culinary arts than Vietnam. I love there food…and noodles for breakfast is awesome! lol….

  • Guest

    This article could use an editorial review or grammar check.
    The article at points separates ‘Viet Kieu’ and ‘Foreigner’, while at other
    points it confounds them so that someone might think that the ‘Foreigner’ being
    referred to does not include overseas Vietnamese (which it does). Be
    consistent, otherwise someone skimming this article could be misinformed. Do
    not say “foreigner or Viet Kieu males” and then go on to include
    ‘Viet Kieu’ in the ‘Foreigner’ group in your article. Anyways…

    If you follow overseas Vietnamese entertainment you’ll know
    that they often have skits in the popular musical variety taped shows about
    these situations, usually portraying older Vietnamese men going to Vietnam intent
    on marrying a young pretty Vietnamese girl. The older Vietnamese guy also gets
    screwed over or ends up getting hitched to the girl’s mother instead. The girl
    is never in love with the older man, and the older man usually misrepresents
    how much money he actually has. If the Vietnamese men who watch these shows
    already know this and still go to Vietnam to look for a younger girl, then they
    should be somewhat aware that the girl is not truly interested in the man. I
    mean it happens so often that the Vietnamese community makes fun of it in their
    taped variety shows. They even have the old guy end up with the mother for a
    reason. It’s like the moral of the story is: you’re better off marrying someone
    more suitable for you.

    I wonder if it’s not just the older men who are deluded into
    thinking a young pretty girl is actually interested in them, but also any women
    who think they might land a rich overseas husband. A rich guy in any country
    will have little trouble finding someone to love them at home. A pretty girl in
    any country will have little trouble finding someone to love them at home. It
    doesn’t matter if it’s Vietnam, Russia, or the USA.

    The reasons given in the article paint too positive on light
    on the marriage situation of Vietnamese women in Vietnam who marry overseas.
    Though one should look at the individual woman and not just generalize about
    them in general, the majority of these women marrying overseas are poor. Not to
    say that there isn’t love involved, or that the relationship will not work, or
    that there aren’t any opportunists, it’s just that I think it’s rare. Even
    these taped variety shows had mini documentaries where they show that most of
    the Vietnamese women who married overseas men came from poor backgrounds, and
    that the majority of them ended up in miserable marriages to Korean and
    Taiwanese men who often mistreated them. Language barriers and cultural
    barriers played a big part in the bad marriages, but there were also women who
    seemed to go in with a misguided belief that they were going to be rescued to
    some better place.

    Be it any country, culture, or situation, people should get
    to know each other better before getting married, especially when borders are
    concerned, because that can only complicated relationships even more.

    • Hugger

      Hmmm, and how do you judge, “more suitable’? I’m curious. Is it something real and definable, or simply your own prejudices?
      I have known many older western man married to a younger Asian wife, that are quite happy and content. it works all the time.
      The men doing this are older because they have already been thru marriage and divorce hell here, and rather than abandon their principles and give up their dream, seek love elsewhere.
      But of course, those who are resentful feel the need to denigrate them. Thus we have the common, vicious urban legends about the silly old men and victimizing women.

      Your cultural fairy tale that you cite is just that. A fairy tale.
      Viet girls seem to end up in primitive, patriarchal Asian cultures such as Taiwan and South Korea, with men so abusive of women they could not get a local girl.

      Western men do not treat their women that way. It would only lead to headlines and arrest, with his picture on the 6;o’clock news, for all the world and his mother to see.
      Older Western men are not as you would wish. They are idealistic romantics who believe in love.

  • Dulion

    the love between vnese woman and foreigner is the same among VNese and among foreigners. It can be the true love or not depending on ur woman and ur eyes. But i don’t think the foreign women don’t like $. And the cheating can be happened anywhere with anyone, VNese women are not exception

  • mit

    i guess, vietnamese woman r soicial n honest when its come to family. they r hard working too. i wish to get marry with vietnamese girl..

  • Phi Vân

    Iam a Vietnamese girl, when i saw suck comment’s of foriegners i feel they just unlucky to meet some bad girls living in Vietnam and misestimate about most of Vietnamsese women.
    Truely Vietnamese women is perfect than ever,… You guy let pray God and try to improve yourself better….Remember one thing, if you are a good guy, make sure you will be able to meet a good girl.
    And don’t expect to have a good one while you are a bad guy ( playboy,…ect), who just wants to find beauty women in bars or…somewhere that we call that is a dirty and bad place to go,….
    I also can’t say anything because what happens in our life just because of destiny, and the way we live in this life,…
    Why don’t you guy try to enjoys and spend a little money to do some charities activity that’s better than go to bars and waste money for your own fun,… ah when you show your good heart to others then you will recieve so many appreciate and love from other to you….maybe some day there will have a good girl who does charity with you, she will see your kind and become a nice one that you expected….
    I hope my advice can help you guys. Just try and you will see…! good one alsway do good stuff to help people,…
    If you are a foriegner that want to enjoys what i said so contact to me nguyen_phi_94@yahoo.com .i will tlak with you anything about Vietnam and enjoys doing charity with you, to show you there stil have so many good girls in Vietnam,…

    • Mark

      Hi Phi Van, how are you. I want to ask you some questions and to see what you think. I met a girl at Vung Tau 3 years ago and now we are thinking of getting marry next year but I just want to make sure if her love is real or not. My email is deafo56@yahoo.com
      Thank you for your time and hope to chat soon for good education, cheers

    • Dave sanderson

      Ive just read ur posting and totally agree …to find real love you must be able to give real love ….im a man that is calling out for love and to give love and would love to continue some contact with you.

    • Love Asian Bride

      I can still E-mail you? Did you find American Man who is kind?

    • Love Asian Bride

      I do, I work hard and do many charities, and no sex until marriage.

    • Michael Toy

      I met a girl from Vietnam in 2005 while traveling their on vacation from Kuwait as a US Contractor. She is Catholic like myself and eventually fell in love with her. Her family seemed to be very religious and loyal to thier spouses. We married in 2007 in a church in Vietnam and have a 5 year old son. Soon after she arrived to the USA we both went back to school as she mentioned she wanted to become a pharmacist. She went to shool full time and I worked full time and attended school at night. We graduated a community college together with high honors each. Slowly our marriage deteriated to the point where we stayed in seperate bedrooms. Once she got her citizenship, new car and acceptance to the engineer school at NC State she told me I did not sacrifice enough and was not happy with our marriage. I work 60 plus hours per week to pay our bills but still not good enough. She moved out and immediately started living with another man. So much for the wholesome religious front she always displayed. I believe looking back at events this was planned not only by her but by her family as well to get her here and now she is petitioning her relatives. She would spend much more time with her sister in Vietnam on the phone than with her own husband. We became only roommates. Her selfishness cost me 7 years of my life and much heartache. I will never marry another Vietnamese again. She was not a bar girl but someone I thought I knew very much before getting married that matched what I was looking for and I thought through our many conversations what she was looking for in a relationship. For any of those who read this contemplating marrying a Vietnamese abroad or any foreigner, please take heed and take your time and think before you jump. You might not like where you land. By the way, this is the second time marrying a foreigner and both ended in divorce after supporting them and giving them everything I had to make their lives better.

      • Anon

        I feel you. You had been taken advantage. Trust me. A nice Viet Namsese girl will only come from high class family and those are very hard to reach. The rest… rubbish

      • Crystal333

        To Anon My brother in Law met his recent ex vietnamese wife out there. She lived in a shack. She came to America got a car and got spoiled. And would not even act like she loved him. Truth to what your saying. They were married for a year and a half. Now she is struggling to not get deported.

      • Michael Toy

        She actually did come from a family that made over a six figure income. They had an agenda and that was to get her family over to the USA, at all costs

      • Billy Goat

        Actually, it sounds like your judgement stinks more than anything. You probably don’t even understand the face saving culture of Asia, do you? You act like her dedication to her family is selfishness, but if you actually did any research, you would have known that this is part of the deal when you marry an Asian person. You’re not only working to take care of your own household, but you cannot allow her family to lose face in the event their daughter marries a foreigner and they still don’t have anything to show for it. You probably could have simply vetted them $100 a month to give their yearly income a 50% boost, thus giving them a chance to increase their status in society, and becoming a leader that everybody would respect and look up to. It’s clear that your poor understanding of her devotion to her family and their needs meant you were too selfish yourself and thought praying to some God who doesn’t exist would render you immune from having to care and understand her culture and needs. You probably never promised to learn Vietnamese when you met her family as well, did you? Idiot.

        25 years, 4 beautiful kids, and a wonderful family and counting for this guy who actually did his research and honored his wife’s culture.

      • Michael Toy

        This is not my first Asian numb nuts, I married a Filipina whose family was in poverty my first time around. I supported them to include building a new house with monthly support. My current wife’s family makes well over a six figure income and the outcome was the same no matter how much I tried to learn their culture while trying to show the utmost in love and respect. It takes two to make a marriage work not just one person submitting like yourself because your just a pussy whipped fuck. Sometimes one may get lucky but you cannot compare that luck to the vast majority that are just trying to get a ticket to the big PX in the sky.

      • My Nigguh

        If there’s anyone that sounds like a pussy whipped fucktard, it’s yourself. You’re a fucking loser.

      • Crystal333

        Sorry that happened to you Michael my BIL recently went through this. Only she stayed with him for a year and a half. Now she is struggling to stay in America

      • Michael Toy

        Yes I understand and am sorry for your BIL. No matter what I shared with her or her family nothing was good enough because their agenda was set from day one.

  • ROB

    I know a few VN, s women in the US. They are so kind when they first come, but the ones that have been here for a while become so arregant that they think they are a gift from heaven. I do not know if it is the American culture that causes that (so p wiped) or the real nature of these women. But because they are so cute, there are plenty of takers.

  • friendly

    So many women in this world not only Vietnam, nowaday just know 1 thing without money then die…even that they also have love….but i give you guy a best way won’t be cheat by women that’s stop dating or involve with the women….lol if you can’t do that so you have to stand, because this is life, don’t always say this or that person is bad while you are not a good one…so tired to hear about this, better stop criticizing about others,…that’s your destiny so have to suffer,…
    At least, iam a single girl, living in Vietnam, i want to have pen pals friends, who wants to talk and share anything about Vietnam. So contact to my yahoo ( enigmatic_smile_94@yahoo.com)

  • grytuna@hotmail.com

    hello,
    I’m in Alanya İn Turkey.I am
    construction engineer. I will be with me in business and friendship with me I’m looking for Vietnamese female friends . I would
    appreciate if you write to
    me.
    I am 41 years old. 182 cm 80 kg.

    grytuna@hotmail.com

  • Swede

    How can people here believe that they will find a good girl that they can happily live together with for the rest of their life with when they go to Vietnam for two weeks? What kind of girls do you think hang out where the tourist/expats go? What kind of Vietnamese girls sleep with you on a early date? It’s the slutty ones obviously. These girls are not far from being hookers and you should understand that. The relationship you can have with these girls will probably not end with love from either side. They give you sex, and if you go far take care of the house and children, and in exchange you give them (and their family) money. The woman is aware of this deal, and the man should be to.

    To find a good Vietnamese girl you should spend time where normal Vietnamese spend time. Study at a university, or work somewhere. Get to know normal Vietnamese people and hang out with them and their friends. Maybe one day you find someone you really like, and who likes you back, for real.

    • Love Asian Bride

      My grandparents barely met each other before getting married and they never got divorced from that marriage. Love is not a feeling only. Marriage requires work, and tenderness to beautiful asian bride. White women, eh, ek, makes me sick to my stomach.

      • Love Asian Bride

        From my first day of college I was surrounde by so many Asian woman, I knew I wanted to marry an Asian woman. I had a white girlfriend, but she wasn’t that pretty, even before I met many asian women. But every asian woman. either okay, or cute, or pretty, or Gorgeous! So pretty. Oh Lord, Jesus. I pray now.

    • Crystal333

      I agree read my story at the top of this page.

  • Diem

    I don’t know why people tend to pick some of the cases then attribute them to the majority. You know what, the majority of Vietnamese women do not sit there and wait for you to come and take her away. They are in schools and workplaces striving to make ends meet. I am afraid the ones you met and from whom you made those conclusions are not typical enough as the so-called “Vietnamese women” in general.

    I believe that all human beings have the thirst for material or money in one way or another, especially those who do not really have good life conditions. We cant deny that Vietnam is still a third world country and its people are trying hard every single day to struggle with life and daily meals. For those who do not have a good education or lack information, they may have a (blind) belief that if you come from a more developed country, you may bring along a better life. Putting yourself in their shoes, don’t you think the same? You will need to take all the possible chances to live for yourself and also for your families. However, for those educated girls and elites, they are working on achievements which do not only bring pride to themselves but also the nation. Once they choose to marry you, that’s the matter of love, not whose money anymore because they themselves have the ability to earn their living!

    Our Vietnamese women have tradition to live for their families and that’s what we seen in our mothers and many other women in our history. The society may change from time to time, but our tradition and history won’t. As a man with wisdom, I believe you will know there are many kinds of people in a society and you can’t attribute some individuals to the whole. Getting along with a good girl is not only a matter of luck but also your true and genuine love first. Once it becomes a matter of love, there is no barrier between nationalities. You and her don’t need to distinguish who is Vietnamese and who is a foreigner.

  • spirit

    A friend of a friend met Vietnamese woman while on an international business trip. He met her in Hong Kong in a hotel bar about a year ago. In a conversation with her he learned that she was looking for a serious relationship with a man who can provide for her and her elderly parents. They hooked up, he took her for a 2 week getaway after his business was done in Hong Kong. He is in his early 40s she is in her late 20s. She also has a 10 year old son she had with her boyfriend who ended up dissapearing on her. She told him all of that, and he told her that he was married for 20 years at that time and that his marriage was not a happy one. She told him that she would agree to be his second “secret” wife if he would be willing to pay her $2K per month so that she can provide for her parents and her son. He was impressed how she ironed his shirt the next day, his wife would not do that for him nor would she cook for him for the last few years of his marriage. He contiued a long distance relationship with her upon returning to the USA> Now, a year later they are getting married, he just finalized his divorse from his first wife. Today is the second day of their wedding, it is in Vietnam. His close friends warned him that it is too much of a risk to get a divorse and marry someone so quickly under such circumstances from a totally different culture. He agreed but decided to take the risk because he is convinced that she is the one because she “really cares about me, she loves me, and that she is the sweetest person he had ever met”. He wanted a shot at having a family but did not want to do dating services or meet anyone from USA or western culture because his first wife was a career woman and not compromising and he got fed up with that. He got attracted to the idea of marrying an Asian woman because according to him they are caring, family-oriented, compromising and submissive (he did not mean it in a bad way). He lost his father to a heart -attack 10 years ago or so, his sister passed away (suiside), his mom is seriously ill and he is just by himself wanting to have more children (he has one daughter from his previous marriage ready to go to college who is not talking to him right now because of the divorse from his previous wife ) and provide for his family. He is well paid, good 6-figure salary job. So is marrying this woman for all these reasons and of course he is very attracted to her. I am not familiar with Vietnamese culture and have never heard of anything like that before. I am pulling for the guy, I have met him few times, he does seem to be very nice. But this just sounds too crazy. Does he have a shot here at a good relatioship? I do not know, time will tell, I guess. But is it what Vietnamese women do now? Can a person be good and generous and caring but just be in a bad circumstances so that she would be willing to look for a man in a hotel and be willing to be his second wife for a price? He is overlooking is because she was honest with him about it. I do not know. Any thoughts? Are American women so bad that a guy would overlook something like that in a foreign woman and marries her anyways? I wonder if an American woman would do the same thing, how would she be called? I am completely blown away by this story.

  • cuibap

    I think 40,000 is probably a low number. Just hang out at the American embassy on a typical day and you will probably encounter about 300+ couples. Its quite a racket and while there is probably a healthy minority of love stories, there is a lot of funny business going on as well. Sad to see all the dirty old men (heartbroken or otherwise) going for the gold diggers. I guess these two demographics probably are meant for each other.

    But then again there are the VN families who have immigrated to the US and are now citizens trying to get the rest of their family over. I am told that arranged marriages are quite common.

    But for the rest of us who didn’t meet our brides to be on the internet and are still repetitively young and good looking, its really an interesting question- why the heck did I stick it out in Nam for all those years to bring back this woman who still barely speaks English and has some pretty crazy superstitions and never admits she is wrong. What advice would I give myself if I had to do it all over again?

    There is indeed something very beautiful about the people and culture. Is is the fact that they understand the importance of family and have endured significant hardship as a people? Is it the spirituality that although often interrupted by the distractions of the material world is none the less present in the hearts and minds of most? Or am I just an idiot who was too suborn to admit defeat?

    I know I definitely didn’t choose the easy road marrying this person and while I am privately ridiculed and micromanaged, there are many virtues that have resulted from our relationship. Generosity, humility and acceptance come to the top of my list.

    Generosity in helping others without the fear of not having enough, even when on the brink of financial disaster. She would literally give her last cent to help a stranger or go without food for days as a matter of honor.

    Humility is knowing that what comes around goes around. No person is ever too great or to small to be of service to mankind. She has won and lost great fortune and while she is not always content with my lack of material means, she has taught me to accept even menial employment over dishonesty.

    Despite insult, she has insisted on our duty to honor our families.

    So, I guess what it comes down to, is when the sizzle of infatuation fades, there is still something that makes me say, yes. In spite of our many differences in perception it was worth it.

    But its not as much about finding happiness in some one outside of my self as it is about self realization.

  • Danuuuuu..

    Perfect artical and soooooooooooooo true..

  • Dirar Negasi

    well i read all the comment and it is kinda hard for me to think about that i mean it is different idea thats why am confused..

    am from africa and am from eritrea and i live in usa.i have my
    coworker she is vietnamese she is so beautiful i been working with her
    about 5 months but from the day i see her until now i really fall in
    love this girl i try to talk to her but she is kind shy and we can’t
    even talk but she is respect full and hard worker i dont know how to
    tell her or ask her to out with me …and sometimes i am scared about
    the life after the marrag coz we have different culture and food
    actually i really dont care about the culture but maybe about the food i
    really cant eat chinse and vietnamese food..anybody wanna contact me to
    give me some idea this is my email dirar68@gmail.com

  • http://www.facebook.com/bryan.foat Bryan Foat

    hey there i am a 23 year old Aussie guy that is currently still married to a Vietnamese lady. now at the start it was all a fairy tale and to be honest she couldn’t of been any better but after her visa coming up for expiry i had no option but to marry her as at the time i loved her and was sure she loved me back. after rushing the marriage she had to go back to Vietnam to lodge her partner visa.i was meant to go with her but due to my business i could not go. with in a week we started having problems like she would not call or text unless i text her and i do not know about you but when i miss some one i text and call them to make sure they are ok and even just to hear there voice but no way was she having any of that and just could not understand.she has been gone 2 months now and really do not see us continuing as her whole attitude has changed for the worst.the only thing that i did wrong was said no to giving her money one day because i had a full day at work and was going to be impossible to get to the bank but because i said no i am now a dirty Aussie i think she called it. she even got jealous about my dog having surgery the week before but i could not put money in for her on that day so i cared more about my dog then my wife apparently. ever since this it just has not been the same and to be honest i really dont know what to do.i do love her but i know i am just being used.the hardest thing is when she was hear in Australia she was amazing like perfect i could not have wished for a more caring thoughtful wife but now realized it was all a big act i know it is time to move on.i have become very interested in the Vietnamese culture and just because one girl used and broke my heart does not mean i will give up on finding myself a nice Vietnamese woman to settle down with and start a family.really upsets me that so many people can put others into categories as every one is different .alot of Asian girls think us Aussies are lazy pigs and just want trophy wife’s but this is also not true because every one is different in good and bad ways. as i said before i will not let one girl stop me falling in love with a nice Vietnamese girl so if ur a Vietnamese girl that wont brake my heart send me an email to say hi @ foaty187@gmail.com

  • Jo Jo

    Spending time in Saigon , very few vietnamese girls marry out if true love, c’mon who you kidding guys lets face it, why would any guy go to a 3rd works country where it is extremely hot!! And depression and marry a girl, they are wired completely different , unless your 90 and they are , when have you ever seem an American guy married to a Vietnamese girl of the same age, Never! Why cause they are never here to be your soul mate partner , you must be a compete loner and take care of there family as if they were children and fly her back to Vietnam every year they are not here for you! Your last on there list! They are wired to be obligated to there’re blood family , as long as you support there family you will be fine, kind of like taking care or a porstitute , it’s all about money, anybody want to challenge me??? When was the last time an American guy married a Vietnamese girl and her family took care of them???? Never!!! Ever!!!

    • Hugger

      Women seeking security in marriage is as old as time. American girls do it too, and you need lots more to keep them happy.
      What is this resentment of older guys? Why the drooling hate? Why the desperate need to convince others that both parties are victimizers? Or are you driven by resentment, and the insecure need to convince yourself of their bad motives? Because the old farts wife is younger and prettier than yours! Probably prettier than any woman you ever had in your life, and better in bed too!
      Haha, jokes on you.
      Your hatred only makes you less happy.

  • Carl Brown

    I met a Vietnamese lady online and ended up marrying her. She’s smart, beautiful, simple and full of common sense. She learned to drive in less than 7 months,went to school and became a Pharmacy Tech. She just passed her citizenship exam and is waiting to take the oath all in less than 4 years.
    She’s was and is exactly what she said she was a simple average lady (at least in outlook on life). We’re able to work together to achieve our goals and add that she also like to fish. I wouldn’t trade her for anyone.
    Good and bad in all races, nationalities, and sexes but if you pay attention you will find the one for you.

    • Billy Goat

      Exactly. You sound like somebody who respected the culture you were marrying into and made well informed judgement calls with her interests at heart as well as your own. Feels good, doesn’t it?

  • http://www.facebook.com/lenguyenthucquyen Le Nguyen Thuc Quyen

    Well, I’ve found this thread mins ago and skim thru some comments. For those who had bad experience with VNese women, I would say, you got what you looked for. When I was in Vietnam, I met and knew a lot of Vietkieu or foreigners who came to Vietnam and looked for a girl to marry with. The way they did was just the same way you come to a grocery and pick stuffs. What else are you looking for if you come with such an attitude?

    Im currently living in the States for my grad school. I’m so proud of myself that I made it all the way here by myself, no asking for the support from my family. I’m young, smart, humorous, good looking and good at cooking. But I’m also so independent that I still enjoy my time by my own although there are some American men out there want to date me. What I want to say here is if you’re confident that you’re a good(to great) man, you will meet a good(or great) woman in your life. What happens to your life, your relationship is not just a bad-luck, it is consequence of what you thought/did/picked/reacted.

  • Life Isn’t So Great

    This article isn’t so true. my da married a vietnamese woman who was introduced to him by a family member. she acted nice and sweet on the phone, but once they got married and he brought her over to the US, she was dreadful. She had a horrible personailty, self-centered and all she talked about money. She stole all our gold, forged my dad’s signature for his check. Stole his money by going to the bank, and not only that she stole thousands of dollars in cash of his that he had hidden for emergencies. Since they had two children together, he’s worried about them because he wants to divorce her and hopefully deport her back. she treated us, the three children of his previous marriage like we are trash. she swears at us and always threatens to kill us. Despicable!

    • elastic

      Your old man is weak. He has to stand up for himself and the kids. If the divorce is the answer, so be it. Woman like that you have to play fire with fire. Good luck.

  • Luke

    Hi there! A great article. I travel to Vietnam every year from Australia to volunteer on a small kindergarten renovation project funded by a small charity based here in Australia. I’m 27 and met a very lovely 22 year old vietnamese woman. We talk a lot online and share a lot of happy conversation. Ill be visiting her city again next year, but I wonder what my options are if we are both in love and wanted to be together..

    If she came to Australia with me, I would be taking her away from her friends, family and her own life.. Or I could move to Vietnam but I don’t know how much I could provide for her as maybe I can’t get a good enough job in VN compared to Australia? I work as a graphic designer.

    Would love to hear anyone’s thoughts. :-)

  • Shah

    Hi. what is your email address.

  • Thương Yom

    I accidentally came to this articles and read it. -.-
    And it’s really informative to read, thank you author but i just confused WHY PEOPLE WRITE ABOUT THIS? “Vietnamese women marry foreigners”, excuse me to say this:
    -Vietnamese women are not human being? -.-
    -”Vietnamese women marry foreigners” the titles sound really silly i think :/
    What do you think if today we had “Vietnamese women marry foreigners” then tomorrow we have “Chinese women marry foreigners” then “African women marry foreigners”???? What is the point if the number of women in a place increasingly marry foreigners?
    -People all searching for thing we need so if place we are living can’t provide it to us, like an instinct, we keep moving to search for it. So do the Vietnamese women.
    -Everywhere, everyplace, all have appeared nice, beauty, kind, mercy women and ALSO whores. I just don’t agree when people think all Vietnamese women may converge every qualities.
    -If you meet a nice girl, you lucky. If u meet a bad girl, maybe love can change people, so make her in love then bad girl turn good, WHY NOT?!
    -Sorry the author of this articles, i just said my opinion and you did your great job so if my words annoying you please forgive me. I truly sorry :)
    -My last words is: There is no guarantee for Vietnamese women or any women live in lacking place that they are going to marry a nice foreign man or a monster. And no one let anyone used themselves if they are not too dump to realize. Marriage just give and take and as my mom told me in spiritual way: Marriage is a debt of your to someone in the previous life that u have to pay by living last long life with them. :D
    By the way, i’m 16 and i’m Vietnamese girl, messing around, so if i talked silly then i’m sorry. Have a nice day everyone. Bye

  • Thương Yom

    I accidentally came to this article and read it -.-

    And it’s really informative to read but i confused: WHY PEOPLE WRITE ABOUT IT?

    I’m 16 and i’m Vietnamese then i may not mature enough but i still excuse to say this:

    -Vietnamese women are not human being?

    -”Vietnamese women marry foreigners” i think it sound silly :/

    What do you think if today we had “Vietnamese women marry foreigners” then tomorrow we have “Chinese women marry foreigners” then “African women marry foreigners”???

    -We are all searching for thing we need so if our place can’t provide it to us, like an instinct, we keep moving on searching for it. So do Vietnamese women.

    -Everyplace in the world have beautiful scenery and ALSO rubbish dump. Everyplace have appeared nice, beauty, mercy, loyal women and ALSO whores. And i really don’t agree that every Vietnamese women may converge all good qualities.

    Example like me :D, i’m a Vietnamese and i’m a student and yeah i’m bad one :D, i sneak my tutor class at night sometime and go out eating, but where ever i go, come back home then i have to behave like a child should be to parents. Not because my culture or bla bla bla about Vietnamese’s stuff. It’s about education, American girls or any girls could be a great one if they have good parent’s education, and yeah i saw many foreigners traveling here, got to say American’s kid really confident, independent, and loyal same as kids live in traditional Vietnamese families.)

  • Henry

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  • Karen

    40,000? with a population of what…85million? 100 million…40,000 marrying foreign men is hardly a big deal. this article is a waste of time. most of those women are looking for a better life…plain and simple. if they get it …maybe they will stay and maybe they will leave to find a “true love”
    most Vietnamese women will marry Vietnamese man…the only guys going to Vietnam to pick out a woman like in a shopping mall are guys that have limited dating appeal in their own culture. (or old) and they think they are rescuing a poor Vietnamese woman and at the same time getting a trophy wife. you know what happens when you get a trophy? it starts to tarnish and change….it’s never as beautiful as when you first received it. If you don’t keep giving it attention…it will be happy to leave for another that will polish it often.

  • tevis

    To preface my comment, I’m married to a Viet woman, we’re both super-educated and both met in our 30s. We lived in Vietnam for a while but now live in the US. I’m “tay” (western). We married because we love each other. It’s pretty simple.

    Vietnamese culture is wonderful, and Vietnamese women are amazing but . . . generalizations are generalizations. I know a lot of wonderful, typical Vietnamese women (and men) and respect the many good aspects of the culture.

    Having said the nice stuff, I’ll say this: first, there are plenty of younger Viet women who don’t fit these stereotypes. There are tons of “bad” women out there, I would not ever think about even talking to some Viet girl hanging out in a bar. In the US, maybe, not Vietnam. Also, there are a lot of women who are trolling for men, especially from certain provinces, just out of desperate poverty. And the part I hate most is there is a real market for that–some westerners but even more Koreans, Taiwanese men, coming in and just practically “buying” a wife. Many of those men being around 50 and looking for a woman who’s 20. It’s pretty disgusting, actually. Only marginally better than the garbage going on in Thailand.

    It’s a tremendously sad fact about Vietnam, and I wish it weren’t true.

    But, it’s not everyone’s story!

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  • appletome

    As a Vietnamese, I can agree with most of what this article says, that the intentions of vietnamese women, just like women of other nationalities, are good-natured. However, I would also like to add one thing:

    Vietnamese women are not stupid; some marry with the intention of making a better life for herself and her family, while other women have other intentions that end very badly for everyone around her.

    When I visit my family there, I see all types of girls: the hard-workers, gamblers, partiers, and the downright lazy. And I know from family experiences that the bad ones hide it well, just like a lot of women in the world.

    If one wishes to find a traditional girl with respectable morals, he would need a good eye, connection with people who know her, and lot of luck.

    I don’t mean to say that there are no more good viet girls out there, I only want to reiterate that there are many fake ones to sift through ;)

  • Jerome Lynch

    I would very much love to marry a traditional vietnamese woman…anybody know one who’s available.

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  • Jasmin Bowen

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  • Franklin Sr.

    You certainly have made some good points in your article, but your choice of words, i.e. “force a person to make such decision” and “some people are lucky to be happy with thier marriage” seems to come from a more personal level than an objective one. None-the-less, not a bad article, but as far as accuracy goes, i feel you are off the mark.

  • Happie Huzband

    Vietnamese girls are great:) But my vnese wife is the best:)
    Bad people get tricked, good couples get happiness:) Easy like that.

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  • http://www.bancosyprestamodedinero.info Sr. Mark Steven

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  • Love Asian Bride

    Where can I meet a beautiful younger Vietnmaese woman who wants a brighter future in America? I exercise and stay healthy, will treat her kindly. Give her whatever she wants. If smart then that is good too, she can go to American Uniersity. I am serious, I am normal American Man, but I know Asian women are very beautiful. God bless America. So happy to get married to beautiful Asian woman!

  • MAC

    Looking for some advice, i am an ozzie chap who likes a vietnamese tour guide i met in hanoi, she is pretty, sweet and smiles for me but i dont know if i should woo her. am sure she wont mind if i post her picture which is in the public eye already. what do you think? do i have a chance?

  • MAC

    this is her picture, i know she likes to be admired so wont mind me posting it.

  • sarah

    My husband has abandon me and the kids for the the past 5months now, and refuse to come back because he was hold on by a woman whom he just met, for that, my self and the kids has been suffering and it has been heel of a struggle, but I decide to do all means to make sure that my family come together as it use to, then I went online there I saw so many good talk about this spell caster whose website is Dr.kokotemple@gmail.comso I had to contact him and in just 3days as he has promised, my husband came home and his behavior was back to the man i got married to. I cant thank the spell caster enough what he did for me, i am so grateful.

  • Billy Goat

    The poor souls who are telling their weeping tales over what they perceive as being victims to a 3rd world deceitful monster all appear to share the same common denominator. And that’s they failed to respect the culture they were marrying into. Your accounts are rife with pathetic and selfish assumptions, and I could not help but cringe at the stupidity and victim complexed arrogance in thinking they were entitled to anything at all, much less the lofty pedestal they put themselves upon. It’s pretty obvious why nobody would respect somebody like that. You simply got what you put into the relationship. I would consider it even.

  • joe

    I have engaged to a vietnamese women. She was a bar girl in cambodia. No I didn’t meet her that way. It’s long story. But I randomly found her on a Web site. Not a dating site. I have gone and meet her. She is a sweetheart. She had no choice but to work at the bar. She hated every minute of it. She would cry when I talked to her. I sent her home to her family. We soon hope to reunit marry and have a family. If you have some questions drop me an email at jtoro1567@yahoo.com wish you all the best.

  • Crystal333

    My ex vietnamese sister in law is a different story than what we as Americans expect. My BIL met a vietnam girl online. He thought she was the one. She looked innocent was a virgin hardly spoke any english. She did not hardly drink did not go to clubs. After her being here a year, she became Americanized and treated him like dirt. She did not take care of him when he was sick. She did not keep a clean house or act thankful. He paid for her school. He also paid for her braces and even bought her a car. That was never good enough. He ended up going broke. She could never understand that. He was the one that paid for her to get to America. She left him after only a year and a half. Lets see I think men need to get to know foreign women better before marrying. Not unless they like to be used.

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